Getting On With Life
by SlytherinHawkins105
Summary: After Voldermort is killed the trio heads back to Hogwarts to complete there seventh year but Harry is having trouble adjusting to his new life and no one seems to be able to understand what he is going through or so he thought. Pairings HP/GW,RW/HG,HP/SS
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter that privilege belongs to J.K Rowling's

**Warning:** This story contains slash m/m, also mentions abuse.

**Pairing:** HP/GW, HP/SS, RW/HG, NL/LL

**Author Notes:** This is my first time writing slash, please be gentle (LOL). This story takes place after Voldermort has been killed. For the purpose of my story Professor Snape is still alive.

The story begins towards the end of summer just before they get on the train to Hogwarts for their final year. Harry never returned to the Dursley's after he defeated Voldermort.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Harry laid on his bed in Grimmauld Place; he wanted a chance to think.

Harry had always had is life laid out before him – defeat he who must not be named, beyond that he never he never gave it much thought because he truly believed he would not survive the war. But he had, he defeated Voldermort a couple of months ago and now he is known across the wizarding world as the boy who lived again and defeated he who must not be named.

He never had a chance to spend as an ordinary teenager, for the past seven years he has spent most of his time in training to defeat Voldermort and now for the first time in his life he had a future.

Harry, Hermione and Ron plus a few others that were involved in the war have decided to go back to Hogwarts and complete their seventh year and obtain their NEWTS.

"Hiya Harry" Ron said coming through the door startling Harry out of his thoughts

"Ron" replied solemnly

"Wotcha doing?"

"Nothing, just thinking"

"What about Harry?"

"Not much. So what's happening" Harry asked

"Mum taking us to Diagon Alley tomorrow to get our school supplies, man I don't know why I agreed to go back"

"You agreed because of Hermione, couldn't spend much time away from your girlfriend" Replied Harry a bit lighter

"Sad but true."

"So where is Hermione?"

"Her and Ginny are discussing something, not sure what though, but with girls you never can be sure, can ya"

"Guess not" Harry said blankly

"What's the matter Harry, you seem distant?"

"Nothing Ron, I'm just tired and not sleeping very well at the moment" Harry lied, he didn't want to tell Ron what was really bothering him when he really didn't understand it himself

"Nightmares?"

"Yeah, and a lot on my mind"

"I understand mate, Hay tomorrow if ya don't mind umm..... I mean, I really like to have some private time with Hermione and I'm sure Ginny will love to have some time with just you" Ron said slightly embarrassed

Harry cringed on the inside, he didn't understand why. Ginny and he have been dating now for a couple of months and she was pressuring him to get a bit more serious, yet he could bring himself to do it. He liked Ginny and at the time it seemed like a good idea to start dating but to him it now feels awkward, its not like they did anything intimately they only have kissed a few times and yet he knew Ginny did want to take it further.

"Yeah I guess"

"Gee mate don't sound so enthused about it"

"Sorry Ron, I just really......"

"Harry" came the excited voice of Ginny has she came into the room and head straight over to him with Hermione following behind in her.

"Hay Ginny" Harry said letting out a sigh as she cuddled up next to him on the bed and gave him a kiss at which he never really returned all he really wanted was to be alone right now.

"Hay Harry" Hermione said after giving Ron a kiss.

He was glad the Ron and Hermione have told each other how they truly felt about the other and ever since then the relationship has blossomed. "Hermione"

"What are you guys doing anyway" Ginny asked trying to cuddle Harry even closer.

"Nothing much really just talking about going to Diagon Alley tomorrow, that's all" Harry said only giving out half the truth.

"Can't believe we are all going to be in the same year" Ginny said excitedly and gave Harry a kiss on the check" Do you think we can all be in the same classes?"

Harry at this point felt really suffocated; he shifted on his bed but decided he really had to get out of there.

"What's the matter Harry?" Ginny asked concerned as Harry shifting.

"Nothing Ginny, can you move I need to go to the bathroom" Harry lied

"Kay, don't be long" Ginny stated

Harry got up and rolled his eyes, he was going to be as long as he wanted.

He got out into the hallway and headed downstairs, he really didn't need to go to the bathroom at all he just used that as an excuse to get away from his friends, all he wanted to do right now is be alone.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

"Do you think everything is alright with Harry?" Hermione asked once she knew Harry was out of hearing range

"He seems down in the dumps a lot and he said he is still having nightmares" Ron said

"If you ask me I think Harry is fine" Ginny said

"Really, I suppose you been his girlfriend and all would know" Ron said sarcastically

"Yeah I am his girlfriend Ron, you remember that and one day I hope I will be his wife" Ginny confidently stated

"He has to ask you know Ginny" Ron pointed out

"I know but it is what is expected of him now, he defeated he who must not be named."

"I think Harry has to survive his NEWTS first" Hermione interrupted

"Don't we all" Ron added

"I hope we are all in the same classes" Ginny said

"Our classes depend on our career choices Ginny, you know that" Hermione firmly reminded Ginny

"I know, I just want to be with Harry all the time" Ginny replied in ore

"Ginny, you also need time by yourself and so does Harry" Ron said slightly annoyed with his sister wanting to be with Harry all the time.

"Not too much Ron. Anyway speaking of Harry shouldn't he be back by now?" Ginny asked confusedly at why Harry wasn't back yet

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Diner time came around and neither Ron, or both Ginny and Hermione have seen Harry since he left to go to the bathroom.

They all sat at the table noting Harry absence from the table.

"Where is Harry?" Ginny asked her mother

"Right behind you dear"

"Harry" screamed Ginny as she jumped up and gave Harry a hug which he begrudgingly returned. "Where the hell have you been Harry you only said you wanted to go to the bathroom and that was nearly two hours ago!"

"Went for a walk" Harry simply replied ignoring Ginny concerns

"How dare you just get up and leave like that Harry" Ginny said who was fuming by now

"Look Ginny I just went for a walk and lost track of time" Harry said irritated

"You could have told me and I would have come with you"

"That's why I didn't tell you Ginny, I wanted to be alone for a while is that too much to ask" Harry bit back angrily

"You don't have to be so rude about Harry" Ginny replied holding back the tears.

Harry just looked at her, he wasn't sorry for been angry at Ginny. Truth be told he felt kind of good about and it confused him, Ginny was suppose to be his girlfriend and if he upset her wasn't he suppose to feel bad or guilty about it, and he didn't. Truth be told, he was starting to feel very much suffocated by Ginny wanting to be with all the time and he hated it.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

The next day Harry and the Weasley's flooed across to the Leaky Cauldron and headed out towards Diagon Alley to get their school supplies for the year.

Harry had to head off to Gringotts to get some money, Ginny wanted to go with him but Harry told her that he didn't like to have company when attending his vaults. Ginny was furious with him and stormed off and again he wasn't bothered about it.

Upon returning from his vault Harry sort out Ginny to have a talk to her, he felt that he needed to talk to her about what just happened and get her to understand that some things he does are private like going to his vault.

"Ginny" Harry said coming up from behind her.

Ginny turned around and Harry instantly saw that her eyes are red. "Ginny"

"Harry....thought you wanted to be left alone" Ginny said sniffling

"I told you Ginny, I always attend to my vaults by myself" Harry simple said hoping that maybe she could see that his vaults are just that his and he wasn't prepared to share with anyone until he was married.

"But Harry I'm your girlfriend" Ginny said with a trace of malice in her voice

"I know that Ginny but I still like to go to my vault by myself" He said trying to get her to see they are not hers to look at

"But Harry I thought that since we're together we share everything"

"Ginny you are only my girlfriend not my wife, at this point in our relationship I think you need to understand that"

"But Harry I wanted to spend as much time as I can with you before school goes back and you are making it very hard" Ginny replied trying to hide the fact that his statement about not been his wife and only his Girlfriend hurt. She knew that he was only his girlfriend but she is hoping that they will get married.

"I know you want to spend as much time with me as possible Ginny, but I really don't want you around me every single second Ginny. I need my space, able to do some of the things I enjoy doing as well. I have to have time to myself too Ginny, away from everybody – you, Hermione and Ron" Harry said holding onto his temper

"Time for what Harry"

"Ginny I need time to recover"

"Harry you already killed Voldermort that was a couple of weeks ago, its over now, time for you live your life and move on" Ginny retorted back at him who was getting sick of the whole voldermort situation.

"I know I killed him Ginny you don't have to remind me, but I'm still having trouble dealing with it, as well as everything else that has happened to me over the last seven years" Harry replied with a lot of malice in his voice

"Harry its over, its time to move on"

"MOVE ON, Ginny I can't move on"

"Harry it happened six weeks ago, let ago would you and just get on with life, with us and our future"

"Ginny you don't understand, this is not something I can just forget and move on with"

"FINE THEN HARRY, UNTIL YOU DO FORGET ABOUT IT THEN COME AND SEE ME BUT UNTIL THEN I THINK IT MIGHT BE BEST IF I DO GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT" with that last comment Ginny stormed off

Harry just stood there, not sure at what point the conversation went sour. He wanted to explain to Ginny and hoped that she understood that his vaults are his private affairs but obviously Ginny couldn't see that and then she had to turn it around into a fight about Voldermort and how he should be over it.

Harry has not gotten over the fact that he had killed the wizard. All his life Voldermort has been a played a huge roll in Harry's future and now that he was gone he was free to do whatever he wanted to do and that prospect really scared the shit out of him.

He headed out into Diagon Alley, his first stop was Madam Malkin's to get more robes for school, then he headed across to get his ink and parchment that he needed. Once he collected those he left for the Apothecary to collect his potion supplies which he was really hoping that he could do well in this year after his efforts with Professor Slughorn in his sixth year although he did have the help from the half blood prince potion book which unbeknown to Ron, Hermione or Ginny he went back to the room of requirements to retrieve.

He left the Apothecary shop for flourish and Blotts to collect his books that was required plus a couple of extra's that he needed. He spent about an hour and a half in the book store gathering what books he needed and was thankful that Ron or Hermione weren't with him, they would die of shock that he spent so much time in here especially Hermione.

He left Flourish and Blotts only to bump into Neville and Luna.

"Harry, how are you?" Neville asked excitedly upon seeing Harry.

"Hello Neville, Luna" he replied

"Hello Harry" Luna said as if she was out with the pixies

"How are things going Neville?"

"Pretty good Harry" Neville replied happily

"That's good, what about you Luna"

"Well Dad been busy with the Quibbler but the Magwasp is causing problems with the printing" Luna replied

"What is Magwasp Luna? Oh, never mind, I work them out later." Harry said

"You got all your things ready to back to school Harry?"

"Yeah I do, I was about to head over to the quidditch shop for a while"

"We just finished and were about to get some ice-cream would you care to join us Harry?"

"Yeah, sure, why not" Harry responded

Harry, Neville and Luna head over to Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Polar when Harry suddenly stopped and saw that Ginny was already in there along with Ron and Hermione and Harry found he was unable to enter and had to get away and fast. He could see that Neville and Luna were too engrossed with each other to notice that he had started to slow down and when Harry was a few feet behind them he took off as fast as he could before they could see him disappear.

Harry was frustrated at what was happening to him, as much as he liked his friends he really needed time to himself. His friends didn't seem to understand that he needed time out from everything including them. Although he was heading back to Hogwarts, he was not looking forward to it, for the simple reason everyone wanted to know all the details of how he killed Voldermort. They would hound him, follow him, touch him and would want to be his friends all because he defeated the most powerful dark wizard of their time.

But that was not the only thing that seemed to be frustrating Harry. His friends, although they were still friends things have changed and their friendship was different from before. Sure they still hung out but now that Ron and Hermione were together which Harry was glad for, but it wasn't the same as before. He suppose it was because he was still having trouble getting over the war and yet Ron and Hermione has discovered their feelings for each they were able to lean on each other and move on with their life. Harry guessed it would be easy for them to get past it because they were not in the thick as it as much as he was and didn't see or suffer the things he had suffered.

Then there was Ginny, his girlfriend. When he and Ginny first started to go out Harry was at least for an extremely short time thought he was happy but now that he looked back on it, his happiness was only because he survived the war. Ginny was a sweet, pure, gentle and innocent. Although she had been there for part of the war she had not seen the worst of hit and had a hard time understanding why he simply couldn't 'get over it' like she had told him. He liked Ginny but he didn't love her. He has lost interest with been with her, it was the same with Cho as well. When he was with Cho, she could not make him feel anything for her and it was the same with Ginny, perhaps he hadn't found the right girl for him yet after all the last seven years of his life has been designated in defeating Voldermort and never really had a chance to explore his sexuality much. But now that Voldermort was gone he can do that, he could look for that special someone.

Harry decided that he would go to the Leaky Cauldron for a quiet drink, besides he was to meet up with the Weasley's in just over an hours time to head back Grimmauld Place.

Harry entered the Leaky Cauldron and headed over to the bar, he really needed a drink.

"Well hello Mr Potter, what can I get for you today?" Tom the barman said with much excitement in his voice.

"Um, yeah...hi" Harry started feeling a bit awkward because of Tom excitement but continued anyway "Um...I like to have a Butter beer please"

"Very good Mr Potter" Tom said, he poured the Butter Bear and placed it onto the counter

"How much?" Harry asked after Tom never said anything to him

"No charge today Mr Potter, it's on the house"

"But I really like to pay" Insisted Harry

"I won't expect any payment from our saviour"

"Fine then" Harry said a little annoyed and turned to find a seat somewhere quiet but unknown to him while he was ordering his drink some reporter's came in from both the daily prophet and witch weekly.

"Look its Harry Potter" One said

"Harry Potter" followed by another and before Harry could comprehend what was going off camera's were flashing and reporter's started asking questions.

"Harry what you are going to do now that he-who-must-not-be-named is defeated?" One asked

"Harry are you going to complete your last year at Hogwarts?" then another asked

"Harry are you still dating young Miss Weasley?"Someone else asked

"Are you going to marry her?"Another one asked

"When are you going to have children?" someone to his left asked

"What do you think of the man who killed Albus Dumbledore been given a full pardon for the crime?" one asked that was close to him

"Why did you testify for him?" another shouted from the back of the crowed

"Harry is it true that you and Miss Weasley are expecting a child" another one asked him

Harry felt as though he was trapped, he had to get out of there. If it wasn't Ginny that was crowding him, it was the reporter's and that was the last thing he needed. So picking out a destination in his mind and apparated away from there to a place he hoped no one come to look for him.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

An hour later Hermione and the Weasley's entered the Leaky Cauldron in hope that Harry was there waiting for them. Hermione, Ron and Ginny were getting ice-cream when Neville and Luna came in saying they met up with Harry and decided to have some ice-cream with them but was shocked that Harry had disappeared without saying a word to them.

Hermione and Ron were shocked at Harry just taking off without saying a word but then again they should have known better as Harry hasn't been himself lately, pulling away from everybody wanting to be on his own were as Hermione thinking is that he needed people around him that love and care for him.

Ginny to say in the least was furious at Harry again, first he takes off yesterday for a couple of hours without saying a word to her, then he wouldn't allow her to go with him down to his vaults and she doesn't understand why Harry said no to her and now when Neville and Luna came in for ice-cream saying they met up with Harry she was excited that her Harry was going to be there but instead Harry hadn't taken off again. Ginny decided next time she sees Harry she is going to give her a piece of her mind.

"I don't see Harry at all" Mrs Weasley said looking around the Leaky Cauldron.

"Neither do I" responded Mr Weasley who was also looking around for Harry

"He knows to meet us here, we were all going to head back to Grimmauld place together" Mrs Weasley said slightly agitated that Harry was not there.

While they waited they ordered some drinks and sat around waiting for Harry to come. After about half an hour Mrs Weasley was losing her patience fast with Harry for taking so long to get the Leaky Cauldron. Ron and Hermione wanted to head back out to Diagon Alley to look for Harry but Mr Weasley suggested that they all floo back to Grimmauld Place and he will stay behind and search for Harry.

Reluctantly they agreed to what Mr Weasley suggested and head back to Grimmauld Place all feeling annoyed at Harry for taking to long and a little bit worried about his behaviour lately but no one was yet ready to voice there concerns.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Mr Weasley returned home about four hours later without Harry.

"Dad, where's Harry?" Ron asked his father as soon as he stepped out of the floo even before he had a chance to cast a cleaning spell on himself.

Arthur cast a cleansing charm walked over to his wife place a kiss on her cheek and sat down at the head of the table contemplating on how he will tell his family what he found out about Harry.

"Arthur where is Harry?" Molly asked her husband "I thought you said you are going to look for him and bring him back"

"Molly I think you better sit down for this" Arthur said reaching out grabbing hold of his wife hand and guiding her down in the seat next to him.

"Dad what's happened to Harry?" Ron asked getting concerned about his friend

"After you guys left I went back into Diagon Alley in search of Harry" Arthur started to explain to his family and Hermione "After a little while I couldn't find him and then I decided to head into Knockturn Alley thinking that he might have wondered down there but I had no luck in finding him there either.

I went back to the Leaky Cauldron in hopes that Harry was there waiting for us, but he wasn't. I asked the barman had he seen Harry Potter and he said no but had only just started and Tom had left for his break. I asked him to keep an eye out for him and if he came in before I get back to tell him to stay there until I got back.

I headed out into muggle London and did a search around the area there thinking perhaps he might have gone out to have a look. After an hour I could not see him anywhere and headed back into the Leaky Cauldron where I saw Tom behind the bar and asked him had he seen Harry at all today.

Unfortunately that's when I found out what happened to Harry. Apparently Harry was in there approx five hours ago, an hour before we got there ordered a drink and was then bombarded with reporters from the Daily Prophet and Witch Weekly all asking him questions. From what Tom could see Harry got overwhelmed and apparated out of the Leaky Cauldron and no one has seen him since"

Hermione gasped, Ron's mouth was gaping like a fish and Ginny sat quietly moving the food around on her plate with her folk.

"So what is to happen now Arthur?" Molly inquired

"I have already contacted Professor McGonagall about Harry disappearance; she is concerned and should be over here in an hour's time"

"But dad what if something has happened to Harry?" Ron asked concerned for his best friend

"I don't think he is hurt Ron, well at least not in the physical sense that is" Hermione added thoughtfully trying to work out Harry actions

"What do you mean Hermione?" Ron inquired

"I mean that Harry hasn't been himself lately especially since he defeated Voldermort, I think he could be hurting on the inside after all for the past seven years Harry has always been in the middle and he has lost a lot of people who he cared deeply for"

"If he is hurting like you say Hermione, why doesn't he tell us then" Ron said slightly agitated

"Because I think Harry doesn't understand himself"

"What do mean by the Hermione dear"

"I mean Mrs Weasley is that Harry has never been good to deal with his emotions especially after Cedric, Siris, Remus, Tonks and Dumbledore deaths he never had a chance to grieve for them as it was always back to training or summer holidays where he had no support when he needed it the most"

"It makes sense you know" Mr Weasley added

"If you ask me I think Harry just been rude and selfish" Ginny added her voice coming across as annoyed but upset

"Genève Weasley, HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT ABOUT HARRY"

"Come on mum it is true, you seen the way he has been acting lately and going off by himself all the time"

"That maybe true Ginny but he has to sort himself out"

"That's right stick up for him Hermione, but what about me?"

"What about you Gin" Ron asked annoyed at his sister attitude towards Harry

"Ron, I'm his girlfriend for Merlin sake, he is suppose to talk to me"

"Have you even given him a chance Gin?"

"Of course I have" she lied

"Yeah sure you did" Ron replied sarcastically

"AND WHAT'S THAT MEANT TO MEAN RON" Ginny started to yell

"IT MEANS GINNY THAT YOU HAVE ONLY BEEN INTERESTED IN SNOGGING HIM AND NOT TALKING TO HIM" Ron yelled back

"LOOKS WHO TALKING, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU TALKED TO HIM THAT MUCH EITHER RON"

"I HAVE TRIED GINNY BUT WHAT ELSE WAS I SUPPOSE TO DO, HE IS SUFFERING FROM LITTLE TO NO SLEEP AND WHEN HE DOES SLEEP THEY ARE FILLED WITH NIGHTMARES"

"IT IS ALWAYS THE SAME WITH HIM ISN'T IT, NIGHTMARE AFTER NIGHTMARE I THINK IT TIME HE MOVED ON"

"Ginny you're unbelievable" Hermione added

"Why because I think Harry needs to move on and forget what has happened

"GINERVA WEASLEY HOW DARE YOU SPEAK OF HARRY THAT WAY" Molly said sternly to her only daughter "HARRY BEEN THROUGH A LOT AND YOU EXPECT HIM TO FORGET LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED"

"He's been acting like a selfish child lately" Ginny said quietly

"NO HE IS NOT, HE IS ACTING LIKE A MAN THAT HAS A LOT TO WORK THROUGH AND HE NEEDS THE TIME AND IF YOU CAN'T HELP GINNY THEN I WOULD SERIOUSLY THINK ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE WITH HIM"

"I DON'T NEED TO THINK ABOUT IT, I WANT TO MARRY HIM"

"You what, Ginny?" Ron asked stunned

"I said I want to marry him are you deaf Ron"

"I think that's enough from all of you" Arthur Weasley put in "You are all getting so worked up that you are all forgetting the most important thing here and that is to discovered where Harry has gone to"

"I would agree Arthur" Professor McGonagall said.

"Minerva I didn't hear you come in" Molly added

"It would have been hard to hear anything with all the yelling and screaming going on" the stern witch retorted

"You heard"

"It was a bit hard not to. Now what this about Harry" she asked

Arthur launched into the story of what he discovered in Diagon Alley today while Molly went and got some tea and biscuits for everyone.

Silence followed Arthur explanation has they all sipped on their cups of teas.

"How has Harry behaviour been?" Minerva asked after a couple of minutes of silence

"Honestly Minerva Harry hasn't been himself at all"

"In what way Molly"

"He seems distant"

"I see"

"He also been suffering from nightmares as well Professor"

"Nightmares about what Mr Weasley"

"I don't know Harry won't say. Before he goes to bed he cast a silencing charm and he also locks his room, so I don't know how badly"

"Mmm"

"I had no idea Harry was doing that" added Molly

"I think it could be his way of not disturbing everyone, he keeps a lot of things to himself" Hermione said

"Yes that is true Miss Granger but the question now is what do we do?" Minerva asked

The room fell silent, no one knew what the answer is, first of all Harry had not been himself he had withdrawn himself from everyone demanding time to himself and no one had done the curtsey of leaving him be. Second they did need to know where he was, there were still death eaters on the loose who are still out to get Harry and they had to know weather or not Harry was safe. It was a question that brought nothing but conflicting answers.

Hermione and Ron were both thinking along the same line but unaware of it until Hermione was the first one to speak.

"I think we should leave Harry be for a little while"

"I agree with you Hermione I really do think he could do with some time away from everyone" Ron replied to Hermione statement

"But what about the death eaters that is still out there?" Molly came back with.

"I think Mr Potter is smart enough to keep a low profile and it's probably just what he needs"

"Are you sure Minerva?"

"School goes back in just under a week and Mr Potter knows to be there and perhaps with a couple of days of peace and quite where he can sort himself out might just do him the world of good, if I go by the Severus was acting before I sent him away as well"

"Severus? Minerva"

"Yes he has been extremely difficult to be around with more so then usual. It got to the point where I sent him away for a few days to be by him self and it did him the world of good, he is pretty much back to his normal snarky sarcastic self and that maybe what Harry needs as well, they both have been in the centre of the war for such a long time"

"I agree perhaps it could be best for Harry"

"I hope so Minerva, I truly hope so that poor boy has been through so much"

"That he has Molly but I think our pity is the last thing he wants."

"I know Minerva, its' just that I do worry about him he is like another son to me"

"I understand that Molly, he means a lot to mean as well"

"Professor?" Hermione asked

"Yes Miss Granger"

"I know you said it was a good idea for Harry to have some time out but how can you be sure nothing happens to him"

"I can't Miss Granger but if Mr Potter is in the same state of mind as Professor Snape was I'm sure he will be fine"

"But Professor the death eaters that are still out to kill Harry"

"Yes that is true but my guess where ever Harry is I think you will find he could be somewhere where he doesn't want to be found"

"I think we just have to wait and see" Mr Weasley added

"What about the Daily Prophet, I mean there bound to publish something about Harry" Ron spoke up

"I know but a lot of it will be hear say and they wouldn't be able to print his location on the simple fact they don't know, which give him nearly the whole of the UK to be in"

Ron nodded his head.

After a long discussion of what to do about Harry and the best way to help when he gets back Minerva headed back to Hogwarts to get ready for the beginning of the school year.

Ron, Hermione and Ginny all went back upstairs to continue a bit more on what Harry had did and try to contact him. But unfortunately for them they couldn't apparate to where is because they simply don't know and it the same for a floo call as well. They thought they could owl him but once again they hit a brick wall so to speak, with Ron's owl already left for Hogwarts and Harry's owl Hedwig been killed in the battle they had no means to send him a owl.

Ginny on the other hand was annoyed with Harry for once again taking off and leaving her behind which made her frustrated. She wanted to be with Harry every possible second in hopes that they could one day be married and that way she will be happy and so would everyone else, after all it was expected of him now to settle down with a good witch and have children and Ginny wanted to make sure that she was that witch.

After a little while they all headed to bed in hopes that perhaps Harry will come back tomorrow.

_TBC....._


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter that privilege belongs to J.K Rowling's

**Warning:** This story contains slash m/m, also mentions abuse.

**Pairing:** HP/GW, HP/SS, RW/HG, NL/LL

**Author Notes:** This is my first time writing slash, please be gentle (LOL). This story takes place after Voldermort has been killed. For the purpose of my story Professor Snape is still alive.

The story begins towards the end of summer just before they get on the train to Hogwarts for their final year. Harry never returned to the Dursley's after he defeated Voldermort.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville and Luna were sitting in the train compartment on the Hogwarts express in silence. It has been over a week since Harry had disappeared and no one has heard anything from him at all.

The Daily Prophet has been doing it fair share of speculation on Harry disappearance but like everyone else in the wizarding world no one knew where Harry actually was.

At first everyone had been upset that he had disappeared, then the anger came that he had not yet contacted them and now it was the worry as nobody as heard from him at all.

They had all silently hoped that Harry would have come home last night or even this morning so they could all travel together to Hogwarts for the final time but he didn't show at all.

Then the hope came that he might meet them at the platform but alas he never showed and once on the train Ron, Hermione, and Neville decided to search the whole train in case he was already on while Luna and Ginny got them a compartment but still there was no sign of Harry.

Ron gathered Harry trunk and his things and brought them with him, he knew Harry would have most of his school things with him after all they were in Diagon Alley getting there school supplies when Harry vanished.

When Harry never showed up last night or this morning Mrs Weasley called Professor McGongall and told her and she said that if Harry didn't show up at Hogwarts for the welcoming feast she would contact her and call the auror's to go look for him. Ron, Hermione and Ginny were a bit relieved but not much, after all Harry was there friend and they have been through a lot together and they were worried about him.

Ron and Hermione were extremely worried to put it bluntly, they knew he was still suffering, he was suffering more then anyone and yet at the time nobody saw it but since he disappeared they had time to think and realized if they were taking notice of Harry behaviour they would have seen all the signs that he was not coping very well and that something was seriously wrong.

Ginny on the other hand at first was upset that her boyfriend had disappeared and now was calling him every name under the sun because he had not contacted her and she thought it was rather selfish of him to just take off like that and not tell her or given her the opportunity to go with him.

Neville and Luna on the other hand didn't know much that was going on with Harry had been totally confused by what Harry had done. When they met up with him in Diagon Alley he seemed alright and was happy to join them for some ice – cream but as they entered the shop they noticed that Harry had gone and decided not to say anything until they heard that Harry had apparated out of the Leaky Cauldron and hasn't been seen since. They owled Ron and Hermione and told them of there meeting with Harry and they owled back saying that it was alright and explained a bit to them of Harry's behaviour.

"Do you think Harry will be at Hogwarts?" Neville finally asked

"Don't know mate, I hope so but with the way he has been lately you wouldn't know" Ron replied to Neville then looked across to his girlfriend who gave them a sad nod.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Students entered the great hall filled with excitement of the coming year and the sorting ceremony.

Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Neville made there way to the Gryffindor table while Luna headed over to the Ravenclaw table. They all searched the hall for Harry but he was no where in sight.

"Where is he?" Ron said frustrated

"I don't Ron but remember what Professor McGongall said last to your mother that if Harry didn't show up tonight that they were going to send an auror's after him"

"I know 'Mione i just wish he was here"

"I know Ron me too" Hermione said sadly

"Well, well,well, what do we have here its the Weasel and the Mudblood" Malfoy sneered

"Sod off Malfoy" Ron said

"Not so tough without Potty are we?"

"And you think you're the big shot Malfoy do you? If it wasn't for Harry you will be sitting in cell in Azkaban prison" Hermione said matter of factly

"How dare you speak to me you filthy little mudblood" Malfoy stated arrogantly

"And who do you think you are Malfoy...a nobody! that is who. You lost everything so your no better then the rest of us then again you never were any better" Hermione stated then grabbed Ron by the arm and took a seat at the Gryffindor table leaving Malfoy standing there gapping.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

At the teacher's table the Professor were once again watching the students as they took there seats.

Professor McGonagall was on the particular look out for one in particular Harry Potter. But as the students came there was no sign of Harry Potter at all and thought to her self that after the feast is done she will call Molly and then contact the Wizangots to get a search on the way for Harry.

The doors to the back of the hall opened up with Hagrid coming in followed by the new lot of first year students.

After the sorting ceremony was done Professor McGonagall stood up and announced for the feast to begin.

Professor Flickwick was his usual excited self about the new term and turned to Professor McGonagall "The first years look keen Minerva"

"That they do Filius" Minerva said in a monotone voice

"Still no word on young Harry?" Filius asked

"No Filius. I hoped he would have shown up"

"Hmph" came from past Filius

"Do have a problem Severus?" Minerva asked sternly

"The problem is Minerva you are so caught in thinking inside the square instead of looking around you" Severus replied

"Severus in case you didn't notice but Harry gone missing and everyone is worried about him" Minerva replied angrily

"For Merlin sake woman, Potter is not missing he is here and if you look closely you will be able to see him to"

Minerva was stunned at Severus' statement that she stopped eating and looked down the Gryffindor table and still did not see Harry anywhere and did a quick glance and yet still did not see him

"I don't see him Severus"

"Oh Merlin sake woman, he is standing up in the far corner up the back of the hall" Severus said agitated

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Harry stood in the back of the hall watching. He arrived at school just before the students did and went to sit at the Gryffindor table and stopped.

He stood there for a little while contemplating on what was going to happen when the students arrive especially Ron, Hermione, Neville, Luna and of course Ginny as well and he felt a wave of nausea overcome him and got up from the table.

He liked the opening feast and seeing the new students get sorted into there houses. So in the end he new the corner at the far end of the hall would hide him from everyone until the end of the feast where he could make his way up to the Gryffindor tower and then face the music.

He watched at the students filled the Hall and he spotted Ron, Hermione, Neville and Luna and he felt a little guilty for what he did and not contacting them but he really needed the time away from them and then he saw Ginny and suddenly felt like he was getting very crowed. He hated feeling like this and while he was away he felt free, no one hassling him or wanting to get close to him and with the realization coming to him he knew he didn't love her like she loves him, hell he wasn't even attracted to her.

He watched as the student and faculty ate there diner when he felt that someone was watching him and when he looked up at the table who could see that Professor Snape had spotted him and with a sneer on his face he turned away and started talking to Professor Flitwick and McGonagall.

He watched them for a bit and whatever Snape said to McGonagall had her looking hard at the Gryffindor table and then she said something to him again and now she was looking in the vicinity as if trying to see him but in the end just shook her head said something to Snape and stood up.

"Can I have your attention please?" McGonagall said and the noise in the hall quietens down.

"Thank you" started McGonagall "Now i just need to go over a few things. First years note that the Forbidden forest is strictly out of bounds, there is to be no magic practised in the school corridors and the trip to hogsmead for third years and above will be place on the notice board in your house common room.

Also i like to welcome those students who came back to complete their seventh year studies. For those who have come back the staff and i decided that we would give you students extra privileges. Mind you these can be taken away from students who abuse these privileges and its only for the ones that are returning to the school and not for those who did there sixth year last year.

They are allowed to go to Hogsmead on either a Friday after lessons or Saturday. This also includes nights, however if you do chose to go out of a night you must inform your head of house by Thursday at the latest and be back on in your dorm by 1.30 in the morning. Anyone who breaches this curfew will lose this privilege for a month.

Now i like to introduce you to the new staff, Professor Kingsley Shacklebolt who will be teaching Defence Against the Dark Arts as Professor Snape has decided to go back to teaching Potions, Professor Kevin Zhivago who is taking over transfiguration classes.

Now as most of you are aware i'm now the new headmistress of Hogwarts and therefore i am no longer head of house for Gryffindor therefore Professor Shacklebolt has agreed to take over that position and Professor Snape will remain as head of Slytherin house as well as my new deputy."

Harry watched as the excitement went through the hall at the new news McGonagall gave them about visiting Hogsmead and Harry himself was excited to.

The students started filing out of the hall and Harry waited until everyone was gone before heading up to Gryffindor tower.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

"I can't believe it we get to go to Hogsmeade any weekend we like" Ron said excitedly

"Only on Fridays or Saturdays Ron" Hermione said matter of factly

"I know 'Mione but at least we can go out on dates" Ron was trying to say seductively

"At least Harry won't be going on any dates or to Hogsmeade when he got me to spend time with" Ginny piped up

"But Harry's not here" Neville said

"I thought he would have shown up by now" Ron added killing the mood he was in

"Well when he does i be giving him a piece of my mind" Ginny added

"Do you really think that is a good idea Gin, besides i think that is the last thing Harry needs at the moment" Ron said defensively about his friend

"It is exactly what he needs Ron he cannot go around treating people like this he..."

"HARRY" Hermione screeched when she saw Harry come through the portrait door and ran over to him and gave him a hug

"Oh Harry thank Merlin your alright" Hermione said happily

"Yeah mate glad to see you back" Ron said shaking Harry's hand and patting him on the back at the same time

"Thanks guys, good to see you again" Harry said wearily

"HARRY JAMES POTTER" Ginny screemed "WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?"

"I needed time away Ginny"

"TIME AWAY, DO YOU CALL DISAPPEARING AND NOT TELLING ANYONE TIME AWAY"

"I had to get away Ginny it was getting too much for me"

"TOO MUCH HARRY AND WHAT ABOUT ME, HUH? I HAVE BEEN WORRIED SICK OVER YOU, NOT KNOWING WHERE YOU ARE AND YOU COULDN'T EVEN OWL ME OR ANY OF US TO LET US KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE ALRIGHT"

"Look i am sorry i didn't owl you but i never had one and i just needed time alone to think and sort myself out"

"You could have told me"

"I tried Ginny but you wouldn't listen to me"

"LISTEN TO YOU! WHY WOULD I DO THAT WHEN ALL YOU TALK ABOUT IS THE WAR HARRY"

"BECAUSE I NEED TO TALK ABOUT GINNY"

"IT'S OVER HARRY SO GET OVER IT"

"EASY FOR YOU TO SAY, YOU DIDN'T SEE YOUR FRIENDS GET KILLED OR HAVE TO KILL VOLDERMORT. IT IS NOT SOMETHING I CAN JUST GET OVER GINNY"

"Harry there is not much we can do about it but move on, i mean i lost Fred but i'm getting on with my life just like you should do"

"THAT NOT FAIR GINNY AND YOU KNOW IT"

"NOT FAIR HARRY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS NOT FAIR IS YOU TAKING OFF FOR OVER A WEEK AND NOT HEARING FROM and i thought you were suppose to love me Harry"

"You know what Ginny i don't have to put up with this" Harry said fed up and annoyed at the way Ginny was treating him like he belonged to her and the fact is Harry knew he was no longer or even attracted to her in the first place and he was going to break it off with her but he would not do it now because the last thing he wanted was her bursting out in tears.

"I'm going to bed" He stated and headed up to the boys dorm ignoring Ginny yelling for him to come back down.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

When Harry got into the dorm he saw that Seamus, Dean and Neville were all asleep and Ron was lying awake waiting for his return.

"So where were you?" Ron asked in tone that suggested he should have spoken to him before he disappeared

"No where" Harry simply answered

"Right, you disappear for a whole week without and communication from you to tell us you were safe or anything. Mum was worried and Dad spent ages trying to track you down and not to mention how upset Hermione, Ginny and I were" Ron said with his anger raising

"You know Ron i just got an earful from Ginny about this and i will tell you the same as what i told her i just need time away from everybody" Harry said having trouble containing his anger

"Blimey mate you don't have to bit my head off" Ron stated annoyed

"Yeah well i'm getting sick of everyone trying to do what they think what is best for me and yet they don't ask me what i won't" Harry started unable to hold his anger any longer "My so called relationship with Ginny is all about what she wants nothing about what i need at the moment. You have to know where i've been and why i didn't contact you or anyone. How could I Ron or have you forgotten that Hedwig was killed during the battle huh? I need time to get through everything. Unlike you i had no one to turn to, at least you had your family there with you after Fred died, Hermione went back to her family, Neville and Luna also went back to theirs and i was left alone to deal with my losses. Don't you see Ron when i really needed someone I had no one and now that it is convient for everyone to have me around you all pretend it hasn't happened! Well Ron it has happened and i need time to deal with it because you know why Ron? Do you? (Ron shook his head) Well i tell you why Ron i never thought i would survive the battle against Voldermort, i never ever thought i had a future, and for the first time in my life i am free to do what i what and i don't give a dam anymore about what people want me to do because i ain't doing it, I'm.....i'm getting out of here" and with that Harry left the dorms leaving Ron gaping and fuming at the same time.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

The next morning Ron met up with Hermione, Neville and Ginny

"Where's Harry?" Hermione asked

"I don't know" Ron said shrugging his shoulders.

"Don't tell me he's taken off again" Ginny added in a huff

"Well what do ya expect after the arguement Harry and Ron had last night" Neville added

"Arguement?" Hermione asked and looked towards Ron "What arguement Ron?"

"I asked Harry where he disappeared to and he flew off the handle at me and left" Ron said as if it was of no consequence to him

"RONALD, How could you?" Hermione asked agitated

"Look i didn't badger him like Ginny did last night i just wanted to know where he was and why he didn't contact us" Ron replied and unbeknown to Ron and Hermione Ginny has snuck out while the two look like they were going to get into an arguement

"Ron it the last thing Harry needed at the moment was his best friend having a go at him"

"That's was not i wanted to do Hermione, i mean Harry just doesn't seem to be himself lately"

"I know Ron and i think it best we give Harry what he wants"

Ron sighed he knew Hermione was right and he also knew Harry did need his space. He looked up back at Hermione and gave her a small smile before pulling her into a kiss.

"You're right Hermione. Wouldn't you agree Ginny?"

Silence.

"Ginny" Ron said again looking around for his sister

"Dam, she gone" Ron stated

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Harry waited outside the fat lady portrait but decided not to go in and headed down the corridor and waited until he saw Ron, Hermione and Ginny leave. Truth be told he didn't want any confrontation with them.

He didn't have to wait long when he saw the portrait open and Ginny came out and Harry made sure he was hidden so he didn't have to see her. Once she gone he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

Harry figured that once Ginny had left the other want be far behind and sure enough only a couple of minutes later Ron, Hermione and Neville and not long after Seamus came out.

Harry wasn't sure if Dean was still in or not but that didn't matter he needed to go in, have a shower and get ready for the day classes

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Harry made his way down to the great hall and sat away from his friends.

Ron saw him sit down away from them and just stared at him then turned back to his food. Hermione gave him a week smile and went back to reading her book.

Ginny was giving Harry a glare that would be worthy of Professor Snape, shook her head in disapproval and went back to eating her breakfast while still glaring at him constantly which made Harry very uncomfortable.

Harry only ate a slice toast and had a cup of coffee which he has only developed the taste for since he defeated Voldermort.

He could see that his new head of house Professor Shacklebolt who giving out the school tables and Harry was glad he was sitting away from his friends and for once make a decision on what he wanted to study without the influence of Ron, Hermione, and especially Ginny.

"Mr Potter" Professor Shacklebolt said in a heavy English accent

"Yes Sir"

"Headmistress McGonagall has asked me to tell you can you report to her office to discuss your timetable." He said

"Yes Sir" Harry replied and got up from the table

"Mr Potter" Professor Shacklebolt called out

"Yes sir"

"I hear you use to like lemon sheberts"

Harry just nodded his head know that the Professor was telling him the past word up to the Headmistresses and Harry thought it was ironic that Professor McGonagall used one of her predecessor favourite sweets.

While Harry made his way up to the Headmistresses office thinking about everything that been happening to him lately.

Firstly there was the constant nightmares he was having. He took to brewing dreamless sleep potion but unfortantly that was not working, he was still waking up every night screaming which is why he has also placed a silencing charm around him so he would wake anyone up. But it didn't matter last night since he slept in the room of requirements.

Secondly he had lost all his family member's or the last links to his family. His parents were killed when he was a baby, Sirius died at the end of his fifth year, Dumbledore at the end of his sixth year and then Remus and Tonks during the final battle and he had nobody left other then his friends.

Thirdly there was Ginny. When things settled down and he went back to the burrow Ginny ran to him and gave him a hug and broke down in his arms and for some reason which Harry still not could work out why he kissed her. He knew then it felt wrong and every time since then it felt wrong.

Lastly was his sexuality. He had dated Cho in his fifth year but ended in disaster and he has kissed a couple of other girls but he felt uncomfortable doing so. And then his current girlfriend Ginny who he can not stand been around anymore could not even arouse him.

He had noticed over the last couple of years that he has been checking out guys. Even in the showers, like this morning when he walked in while Dean was having a shower and he couldn't help himself and checked him out like he has also done with his quidditch team. After Dean got out of the shower he had a more pressing problem he had to take care of something that Ginny could not even do to him and how does the wizarding world react to homosexuality.

Harry arrived in front of the gargoyle, shaking his head and sighing he gave the password and headed up to the headmistresses' office and knocked on the door.

"Enter" came the stern voice of Professor McGonagall

"You wanted to see me Professor" Harry said quietly

"Yes Potter come in, have a seat"

Harry moved over to take a seat and declined the offer of tea from the headmistress.

"Well lets get to it then" McGonagall started and looked at Harry over her glasses and continued "How are you Potter?"

"Fine" he replied but the stern looked the headmistress was giving him basically said the she didn't believe him

"Mmm, Shall we try that again Potter and this time i want the truth"

"I'm fine Professor, Really" Harry once again said even though he knew he wasn't telling the truth and he could tell that McGonagall also knew he was lying

"Potter i don't believe you"

Before Harry could protest McGonagall raised her her hand and hushed him up with her finger and the stern look on her face and Harry thought she looked like a female version of Professor Snape.

"Potter, Harry you see here the thing is when you disappeared Molly wanted to call the auror's straight away to go out looking for you but i said not to. You see Potter i had a feeling you needed time away and that you would show up on the Hogwarts express but when you didn't come through last night after the feast had concluded i was going to come up and call Molly and tell her that you were still missing that was until Severus pointed out where you were and how in Merlin name he knew you were there was beyond me. Now i'm going to ask you again Harry and i want the truth this time How are you going?"

Harry sat there in silence for a while before he answered the Professor McGonagall.

"The truth Professor is i really don't know" Harry simply replied

"Potter i know you have had a rough time and i'm not going to sit here and give you all the advice or comfort that everyone thinks you need but i will be here for you when you do need someone and so will any Professor here at Hogwarts"

"Thanks Professor" Harry said feeling relieved that he didn't have to tell her what is really going on and was grateful that she was going to let him sort some stuff out himself before he will talk to anyone.

"Now about your timetable Harry, are you still interested in becoming an auror Harry?"

"I don't know anymore Professor, i really don't know what i want to do anymore"

"Well then, what subjects would you like to do then Harry?"

"I would like to do Potions, Herbology, Charms, Transfiguration, Defence against the dark arts, and i would like to also do ancient runes and arithmancy"

"Ok" Professor McGonagall waved her wand and gave Harry a piece of parchment with he schedule on it "There you go Potter, you may leave and head to your class"

"Thanks Professor"

"And remember Potter i am here if you need me"

Harry gave a quick smile and nod and headed off towards his class.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

McGonagall watched Harry as he left and from his short visit she could tell that Harry was deeply troubled by and not yet to fully recover from the war but she couldn't do anything until Harry was ready to except her offer of help.

She sat back in her chair and let out a big sigh.

"You did what you had to do Minerva, Harry won't open up easily" the portrait of Albus Dumbledore said

"I know Albus but he is deeply troubled and looks awful" Minerva said sadly looking up to her friend

"I whole heartily agree with you Minerva but you can't force him to talk he will do so when he is ready"

"Do you think he will, Albus?"

"I don't know Minerva I really don't" Albus said sadly

HPSSHPSSHPSS

"Looks who finally decided to grace us with his presence" Ginny said sarcastically after Harry entered the Gryffindor common room after a hard day of classes

Harry just glared at her and headed over to a table in the corner to start doing his homework

"Aren't you going to say something to me Harry" Ginny demanded

"LIKE WHAT" Harry turned and snapped at her

"Well for starter's Hello and a kiss would be nice Harry after all we are boyfriend and girlfriend" Ginny sternly replied

"Right and so just because i'm your boyfriend i meant to do what you say Ginny" Harry said annoyed

"Yes you are" Ginny said matter of factly

"Let me get this straight Ginny i meant to do what you say but you don't have to do what i ask" Harry said who is no starting to lose control of his anger

"Of course you have to do what i say that it what is expected of you"

"EXPECTED OF ME, HOW DARE YOU GINNY, I HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT WHAT IS EXPECTED OF ME AND FOR ONCE I LIKE TO DO WHAT I WANT TO DO"

"LIKE WHAT HARRY, WHAT IS IT YOU WANT TO DO"

"I would like people to just stop expecting me to do things because they said i have to"

"Yeah right Harry, Nobody cares what you want, they only care if you met there expectations"

"EXPECTATIONS, **EXPECTATIONS**, AND WHOS EXPECTATION ARE THOSE GINNY, YOURS OR EVERYONE ELSES"

"**EVERYONES**"

"AND WHAT WOULD THOSE BE GINNY"

"To marry and have children preferably to me"

"**WHAT**"

"You heard me"

"Of course i heard, i just don't believe it"

"What do you mean Harry that you don't believe me"

"This exactly what i was talking about Ginny people expecting me to do something i don't want to do"

"You don't want to get married Harry"

"Of course i want to get married to the person i love and who loves me for me and not the boy who lived who defeated he who must not be named"

"I love you Harry, you know that"

"NO I DON'T GINNY. If you loved me like you said Ginny you would listen to what i have to say"

"Not that _again_ Harry, all you ever talk about is the last battle"

"THAT'S because i _need_ to talk about it Ginny, i need to get past this so i can continue on with my life"

"Well i **DON'T** want to hear it Harry i have had enough of hearing about the final battle"

"Thanks Ginny, thanks for nothing" Harry said agitated, grabbed his bag and started to head out when Ginny yelled at him

"RUNNING AWAY AGAIN HARRY"

"No Ginny i leaving before i do something i will regret" Harry said and unbeknown to Harry Ron and Hermione walked through the portrait but stopped in there tracks to listen to what was happening

"Like what Harry"

"Ginny you know dam well what i can do but the one thing i will do which is something i have been wanting to do for weeks"

"What's that Harry?" Ginny asked as if she was getting bored of this

"Break up with you"

"WHAT" Ginny screamed not expecting Harry to say that

"I said Ginny i want to break up with you"

"But Harry we can't break, I love you Harry"

"I don't love you Ginny, i never have"

"But Harry..." Ginny started through her tears

"But nothing Ginny i can NOT be with you, i don't love you and i never could. I'm sorry Ginny but i just can't lie to myself anymore" Harry said bowing his head and lowering his voice.

Before Harry could do anything Ginny walked up and slapped him across the face and ran off towards her dormintry.

Hermione ran past Harry stopping and looking at him angrily before saying "How could you do that to her Harry after she lost her brother and needed your support"

"But Hermione..." Harry started but didn't get anywhere before she ran up to Ginny

Harry stood there watching her until he felt someone shove him hard in the back

"What the hell" Harry said stumbling but didn't fall and turned to look at who pushed him only to be faced with one very angry Ron Weasley

"Ron"

"How could you hurt Ginny like that Harry"

"I didn't mean to hurt her Ron"

"If you didn't mean to hurt her then why do it"

"Because i don't want to be with her Ron"

"But she loves you Harry that should be enough and you need her"

"No i don't need her and I don't love her either Ron"

"HOW COULD YOU HARRY"

"I need time Ron"

"You know what Harry, Ginny is right the war is over and its time you should get over it. Hermione and i have done nothing but support you and then you go and turn your hurt Ginny"

"I'm sorry Ron but i have not gotten over it"

"Well get OVER IT HARRY"

"Ron i had to break up with Ginny" Harry said dejected

"NO YOU DIDN'T HARRY, YOU HURT MY SISTER AND I COULD NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THAT" Ron yelled and stormed past him but stopped when Harry yelled at him

"SO I GUESS AS LONG SHE HAPPY YOU ARE HAPPY AND I'M MISERABLE"

"YES"

"WELL SCREW YOU THEN RON" Harry yelled

Ron who was already losing his temper because Harry made his sister upset turned and punched Harry hard in the face and the force of the punch sent Harry backwards tripping on the stairs and hitting his head hard on the steps.

Ron stormed off and Harry slowly got up feeling a wave of dizziness come over him slowly made his way out of the portrait and away from Gryffindor tower.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Harry spent the night wondering through the corridors of Hogwarts. Not particular caring where he went but as long as he was as far as way as possible from the Gryffindor tower.

He couldn't believe how things changed one minute he was arguing with Ginny and the next Ron was punching him in the face.

Harry was glad that he broke it off with Ginny, it wasn't exactly how he planned to break up with her but then again nothing went as he planned.

For the first time in a long time Harry felt a huge weight lifted off his shoulders, he felt light, he felt free and he felt confused. He didn't understand why after all he and Ginny were going out for about two months and he felt no regret over breaking up with her in fact he felt happy about it which only seemed to put in place that he didn't like dating girls because after each break up he never felt any remorse about losing the relationship but he did feel bad that he hurt there feelings.

Harry spent hours wondering around Hogwarts thinking about his preference to both girls and boys and come to the conclusion that he wanted to explore his feelings towards men a lot more.

As the sun rose above the lake Harry couldn't believe that he had been out all night and never got caught by Filch or his stupid cat Mrs Norris or by Professor Snape.

Harry made his way to the great hall grabbed a slice of toast and disappeared before any of the faculaty saw him or anyone from Grynffindor came in. Or so he had thought.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Severus Snape Hogwarts potion master had just got back to the main entance when he spotted one Harry Potter leaving the entrance eating a slice of toast.

'Typical Gryffindor come down for an early bite and then return later' was his first thoughts were that was until he noticed the state the young Gryffindor was in.

The way his clothing was hanging off him suggested he just went three round with a Hungarian horn tail, his face was swollen and bruised as if he just got into a fight.

He was about to confront the boy about it when he heard a racket coming from the direction of the Hufflepuff dormitory he went to investigate and decided that he will confront Potter later since he had the boy for potions.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Harry had difficult morning with charms and transfiguration both classes Ron, Hermione and Ginny were in them. He sat away from them and ended up sitting with Blaise Zibani from Slytherin who at first was a bit apprehensive about but as the lesson progressed he relaxed and let him sit with him again in the next class as well while during both classes Ron, Ginny and Hermione spent the class whispering to each other then staring at Harry.

Harry was glad when lunch arrived and instead of going for something to eat he went up to the library to get started on his homework.

After lunch Harry headed down for his first potion class of the year. In a way he was looking forward to this class for the first time since his first year because during the summer he had been practising without anyone knowing and he could now understand why Professor Snape enjoyed brewing as he did now and he wanted to show his Professor how much he has improved.

Harry arrived just before the bell rang and Hermione instantly turn away from him then moved to the front of the class. Harry was a little hurt by this but once again took his seat away from her up of the back of the class.

"Hay Harry"

"Blaise"

"Still ignoring you?"

"Uh huh"

"Well in that case i sit here if you don't mind"

"Blaise no offense or nothing but why are you been friends with me?"

"Because everyone needs a friend Harry including you"

"But for the past seven years you and the rest of the Slytherins have hated me"

"Like most in Slytherin especially our year Harry our parents were followers of you know who and therefore drummed into us that we had to hate you because you were the chosen one, the one to bring down he who must not be named.

But truth is Harry i never hated you, i respected you but i could never tell you or show you because of who my parents were and now that they are finally locked away in Azakaban and now for the first time in my life i can be me and have the friends i want to have and not told to who i can have.

So here I am Harry offering you my friendship if you will expect it" Blaise said holding out his hand

Harry thought for a moment and remembered that when Malfoy offered his hand he turned him down and made the next seven years made of Harry's life hell. But this time Harry decided to except his friendship and shook his hand.

"This year as your last year of potion class and if you are in this class means you must be more then above average with potions" Professor Snape said as he walked down to the front of his class and scanned the class and stopped at Harry for a second before continuing on "You blow up a cauldron then you are instantly out of my class and earned yourself more study lessons and a receiving a 'T' for your N.E.W.T.S ."

Professor Snape turned to the board and with a flick of his wrist was instructions on the board to brew the draught of the living dead and turned quickly back to the class and continued on "I know you made this in your sixth year and out of all you only one succeeded in brewing this correctly, lets see if we can improve on that. BEGIN"

The class progressed silently, Professor Snape walked around the class and absolutely stunned that only one student had the potion correct but he wasn't ready to give out any praise.

"Bottle your potions and clean up" Professor Snape barked out.

Professor Snape watched the class, in particular Harry, he needed to find away to keep Harry back so far he hadn't done anything to warrant him to stay behind that was until he went to sit back down tripped and knocked over a heap of empty vials and they all fell to the floor and shattered on the tiles.

"POTTER" Professor Snape barked out "STAY BEHIND"

Professor Snape pulled out his wand and performed a quick _Reparo_ and the vials were all backed together. He knew that Potter was not at fault, he actually saw Miss Granger push her bag out making Potter trip and could have made her stay back but he needed to speak Potter of what he saw this morning.

The bell went and every piled out of the classroom and Harry made is way up to Professor Snape's desk and stood there while watching his Professor make some notes before he looked up at him.

"Have a seat Mr Potter" Professor Snape sneered

"Yes sir" Harry said while taking a seat

"Explain your self Mr Potter" Professor Snape demanded

"Sir" Harry said confused at the question

"Mr Potter i saw you with the bruises this morning"

"What bruises sir" Harry said knowing that lying to Snape was not a bright idea

"Don't play me for a fool Potter" he said with malice and grabbed his wand "_finite incantatum"_

The glamour charm that Harry had on to hide the bruises was instantly removed and Snape could finally see what he was hiding

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING" Harry jumped out of the chair yelling angrily at Snape for removing the spell

"Sit down Potter" Sneered Snape

"NO" yelled Harry

"Potter stop acting like the spoilt brat that you are and sit down"

"I AM NOT A SPOILT BRAT"

"What would your fans say if they knew you were acting like a child"

"Tell you what _professor _you can have all my fans, the mail, the fame, the fortune, EVERYTHING CAUSE I DON"T WANT IT, i want to be just Harry not the boy who lived who defeated he who must not be named, i just want to be Harry" Harry said angrily but finished quietly trying to be hold back the tears that threaten to spill over

Professor Snape watched Harry and he could see just from that short outburst how much pain Harry had suffered, it was the same if not more then his own but he refused to show any sign of weakness.

"Potter i refuse to get drawn into an argument with you. Now what were you doing wondering out of the great hall spotting those bruises on your face?" Snape demanded

"I had breakfast early and if you must know i got knocked over last night and i hit my head" Harry told Snape although it was not a lie it was not the whole truth either.

Professor Snape could tell that Potter was not telling the full truth, he thought about using _legilimens _on him but decided it would not do him or Harry any good especially since Harry is so emotionally unstable instead he got up went to the store room and pulled a jar of healing salve out and sat back down directly in front of Harry

"Remove your classes Mr Potter" Professor Snape said but without his usual trace of malice in his voice.

Harry looked at Snape curious wondering if Snape was going to do something to him but truth be told Harry had started to respect him and trust him towards the end of the war when he found out what Professor Snape was doing for him and the order although he will never admit out loud or to him.

He removed his classes and placed them on the counter and turned back to face Professor Snape who he could not see very well without his classes.

Professor Snape put his finger's into the salve and started applying to Potter's face. On first contact Potter nearly jumped through the roof.

"Sit still Potter" Professor Snape sneered "And close your eyes"

Harry sat still and let Professor Snape apply the salve on his bruises and was at a lost to why Professor Snape would want to put the salve on his face instead of letting him do it.

"Put your glamour back on Potter and i expect to see you here before breakfast for me to apply the second coat on"

"Thanks Professor but if you give me the healing salve i can do it my self"

"Don't be stupid Potter, you need your classes off and due to you bad eye sight you would not be able to see what you are doing and end up putting this in your eye which would then require you go to the hospital wing as this stuff is not good for your eyes" Professor Snape said extremely agitated

"Oh" Harry said putting his classes back on and reapplying the glamour charm as well

"Your vocabulary never ceases to amaze Potter" Sneered Snape "Now out"

Harry got up quickly grabbed his bag thank Professor Snape and left.

_TBC........._


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter that privilege belongs to J.K Rowling's

**Warning:** This story contains slash m/m, also mentions abuse.

**Pairing:** HP/GW, HP/SS, RW/HG, NL/LL

**Author Notes:** This is my first time writing slash, please be gentle (LOL). This story takes place after Voldermort has been killed. For the purpose of my story Professor Snape is still alive. OOC for Ron, Hermione and some of the Gryffindor but this story happens after the was and people do change.

The story begins towards the end of summer just before they get on the train to Hogwarts for their final year. Harry never returned to the Dursley's after he defeated Voldermort.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Harry left the Room of Requirements after spending the night there away from his fellow Gryffindor's. He headed down towards the dungeons in hope that his Professor had already left for the great hall, stood outside the office  
door and knocked. He was disappointed when he heard the stern voice of his Professor call out "Enter, Potter."

Even with Voldemort gone, Professor Snape is still his usual snarky, sarcastic dungeon bat self. Harry arrived at Professor Snape's office before breakfast and knocked on his door hoping against hope that his thought  
to himself that some things never change.

"Sir"

"Sit, glasses off so we can get this over and I won't have to put up with your insufferable presence longer then I have to," Professor Snape said with us much malice he could muster.

"Yes Sir" Harry replied angrily. He sat down, took off his glasses, and closed his eyes so Snape could add the salve.

"Finite incantum" Professor Snape said to remove the glamour Harry had on and apply the salve to the yellow bruises on Harry's face.

"Put the glamour back on Potter for the day, you won't need it tomorrow."

"Thank you Professor," Harry said, replacing his glasses and getting up to leave for breakfast.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Harry walked into the great hall and headed over to the Gryffindor table. He noticed that a lot of the Gryffindor's turned away from him now that he had fallen out with Ron, Hermione and Ginny. He couldn't believe how quickly things changed from when her first arrived at Hogwarts a couple of days ago until now. Ever since he broke up with Ginny, Ron refused to talk to him and since Hermione was going out with Ron she decided that she was better off being with her boyfriend. He looked up at the table. Seamus and Dean were engrossed with  
the latest jokes from the Wesley's brothers, Neville looked at him and gave him a half smile before returning to his breakfast, Luna, who was sitting next to Neville, was in her usual dreamy state. She gave him her usual dreamy smile and Harry felt very alone. He grabbed a slice of toast and a cup of coffee; he wanted to be out of there quickly and away from his so called friends and the stares of the Gryffindor table.

"Hey, Harry," Blaise said to him, coming over to sit next to him.

"Um, Blaise, I think you're sitting at the wrong table," Harry said, slightly amused that a Slytherin is sitting at a Gryffindor table

"True, but you looked lonely and I can see the way the others are trying to isolate you. I thought I would come over here and sit with you if you have no objection. Or I can go back to my own table if you like," Blaise  
said a bit playfully and started to get up

"No, its fine," Harry replied, smiling and grabbing hold of Blaise. "I would like some company actually."

"Things not going so well for you with the other Gryffindor's?" Blaise asked, sitting back down and helping himself to some breakfast.

"Not really. Ever since I broke up with Ginny, Ron has been ignoring me, and because Hermione is dating Ron and is friends with Ginny she has decided to stick with them," Harry sadly said

"What about Longbottom and his girlfriend?"

"Luna's friends with Ginny and I guess Neville is following everyone else and backing them."

"So I guess you're on your own"

"I'm never on my own with all my so called fans how can I be on my own?" Harry said.

"But there not your friends Harry they only adore you and want to stake a claim on you"

"I know," Harry said melancholy. "Everyone wants to be friends with me only to say they are. I don't want that; I just want to be left alone and be like a normal teenage kid with friends and perhaps find someone I can be happy with"

"Well I tell you what Harry, we can be friends with none of that hero worshipping crap the others give. As for someone to be happy with, well we can look around for a nice witch for you. Deal?" Blaise said sincerely.

Harry looked at him for a while and agreed with Blaise, for so far Blaise had treated him like a person and not the boy who lived who defeated You-Know-Who.

"Deal."

"Now that's settled. Let's get down to business"

"Business?" Harry asked confusedly.

"Yeah business. After all, we are teenagers and we are meant to have fun. So you are going out to Hogsmeade tonight?"

"No" Harry hung his head.

"Bugger. I guess fighting with the Gryffindor's didn't put you in the mood."

"You could say that."

"So why did you break up with the Weasley girl, Harry?"

"Because I didn't feel anything for her, she was smothering me, wouldn't let me talk about what I needed to talk about and basically told me I was being selfish because I needed to talk about the war and wanted time for myself to recover."

"You know, Harry, she the one who was being self centred by not letting you get over the war. We all know that was a huge part of your life."

"I know Blaise and I'm not upset at the fact that we have split up."

"I can see that Harry. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure"

" Did you expect to survive the war? Sorry I know we weren't going to talk about this"

"No."

"What?"

"No I didn't expect to survive. In fact I never planned on having a future past Voldemort."

Blaise flinched at the name of the dark lord."Really"

"Yeah, I mean now that I survived it people won't leave me alone and they still expect me to do what they want me to do regardless of what I want to do."

"Well don't then Harry"

"Don't?"

"No Harry, don't. You have spent your life doing what others expected you to do and not what you want to do. Don't you think it time you did what you want to and forget everyone else?"

"Yeah I know Blaise. But I don't know what I want or how to get it."

"I will help."

"You will."

"Yes, that's what friends are for, Harry."

"Thanks, Blaise."

"But for now if we don't get class we'll both be serving detention," Blaise said. They both laughed and headed off to their respective classes

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Harry spent most of his morning classes by himself, even in ancient runes. Hermione still refused to acknowledge him and Blaise was not in this class or his next couple of classes that Hermione was in. For the first time in ages Harry truly felt isolated from his friends in Gryffindor and wishing nothing more than the company of his Slytherin friend Blaise. He caught up with Blaise at lunch and once again at dinner. Harry completed his work plus extra studies. He really wanted to go brew some dreamless sleep but he knew Snape wouldn't let him do it down in the potion classroom, let alone give him the ingredients he needed to do it. Harry went to bed, pulling his curtains shut, casting a silencing charm and falling asleep rather quickly as he was extremely tired. 

_"You and your worthless friends will die tonight" hissed Voldemort._

"No."

"Such emotion, from one so young. You see Harry your emotion is what makes you weak."

"I'm not weak at least I can feel unlike you or wouldn't know what it is like to have a true friend."

"I got more friends then you could ever have. Crucio," Voldemort hissed.

"Arrgggghhhhh," Harry screamed. The louder he screamed, the more power Voldemort put into his curse. After what seemed like hours but was only minutes, Voldemort lifted the curse and Harry slowly got to his feet.

"Is that the best you got?" Harry said his throat sore from screaming

"Do you want another taste? Crucio," Voldemort hissed. This time, Harry dived and threw another curse at him, which Voldemort dodged with ease. They kept on exchanging curse for curse and they both were diving deep and deeper into the darks arts.

"Secumsempsra," Harry cursed at Voldemort, who thought his shields would hold. He was wrong as the curse blasted through his shields and hit Voldemort directly into the chest. Blood went everywhere.

Harry walked up to Voldemort, "I will return, you will see I will be back" he hissed full of confidence

_"You're wrong, we destroyed all your horcruxes," Harry said with a smirk. Voldemort face went from full of confidence to sheer terror knowing that he would never be able to return. Harry raised his wand pointed it at Voldemort chest and uttered the words "Avada Kad..."  
_  
Harry bolted up right sweating and breathing heavily. He casted a quick tempus and realized it was only 2:55 am. He worked out that he had only three and half hours sleep and knew he would never get back to sleep. It was the same every night. Harry would dream of the final battle, never the same dream two nights in a row, but always of the final battle, the ministry of magic or Cedric's death. So Harry got up and headed down to the common room, where he sat for a while, then got annoyed very quickly and started throwing curses that blew up the furniture. He was frustrated and angry. He needed a way to vent his anger more then anything. Before he could cast another curse, he heard some move upstairs and ran out of the dormitory, not caring where he would end up.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

"Do you know who it was Minerva?" The portrait of Albus Dumbledore asked.

"I have a good idea who, but I'm hoping I'm wrong," Minerva McGonagall said rather sadly.

"Who?"

"I believe it was Harry."

"Harry," Albus said, surprised. "I could not imagine Harry destroying the Gryffindor common room."

"Neither can I, but Harry has not been himself. Even his friends have deserted him, except for Blaise Zabini."

"The Slytherin! I was unaware of any friendship between those two."

"So was I but from what I have seen they are becoming fast friends."

"I see. What are you going to do about Harry?"

"I don't know, Albus. He is very unhappy, he hasn't approached any of the Professors yet and Mr. Filch caught wandering the school halls this morning. He has assigned him detention tonight."

"Harry will open up, give him time."

"I don't know if he will," Minerva said, lowering her head. "He reminds me of a student we had here once."

"Severus?" Albus inquired.

"In many ways yes. Severus was a very angry young man and Harry is heading that way to."

"Severus was an angry young man, Minerva, and a very hurt young man as well, but Harry has seen and done things that no eighteen year old should have to do and has lost many people close to him."

"I know. I'm just worried about the boy."

"Time, Minerva, time. Do not push him," Albus said with a knowing smile.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

It had been a week since the incident of Harry destroying the furniture in Gryffindor tower but things have not improved for him. On the surface Harry seemed to be applying himself to his school work and his grades have been improving especially in potions. His friendship with Blaise was also getting stronger and he was drifting further away from the other Gryffindor's.

But underneath it all Harry was suffering immensely and not having any family around or his close friendships anymore he didn't know what to do or who to turn to.

It's true his friendship with Blaise was coming along but it was different to how Ron and Hermione use to be. With them it was always about fighting Voldermort and now that they had done that there wasn't much else in their friendship. Sure, they said they would "support him and stick by him no matter what", but that "no matter what" meant "we will stick by you until we think it time to move." His anger was slowly eating away at him; he would go to bed only to wake up a few hours later screaming his head off from his nightmares. After he destroyed the common room, although he was never approached about it by his head of house or the headmistress, his fellow Gryffindor's had no problem what so ever in accusing him of it. So now instead of blowing up the common room he would run to the Forbidden Forest and let off his steam there, using any spell he could think of. The darker the magic, the better, he felt, which made him more confused then ever, as he knew the dark arts always had a certain appeal and you can be sucked into the aurora very easily.

But that wasn't the only thing that was confusing him; his sexuality was another. He was slowly coming to terms with the fact that he might be gay. He knew that he was watching guys a lot more closely and finding himself feeling aroused especially around shower time. He never once had these feeling for girls not even after seeing Ginny and Hermione in a bikini through the summer. But he was not sure how the wizarding world reacts to homosexuality or whether or not it is the same as the Muggle world.

But what he wanted most in the world was someone to talk to about this that understood the lure that dark magic has, who knows what being gay is all about and who knows what it's like to be in the middle of a war.

He thought about going to Professor McGonagall but she wouldn't understand. Professor Flickwick, Professor Sprout or Hagrid wouldn't understand what he was going through and neither would Blaise.

Professor Binns could, after all he has been around for hundreds of years and would have seen many battles, but Harry thought that only he would see the historic value and not the emotions. Besides, who would ever think about seeing a ghost for one's problems?

Then Harry thought of Professor Kingsley. After all, he had been an Auror during both of Voldemort reigns and might have an understanding of the temptation of the dark arts. No, he was fighting against them for many years and maybe not the best person to approach.

Professor Trelawney? Forget it; she would only predict his death, the fraud.

Professor Zhivago? No, he would not understand. After all, this is his first year in Britain and has spent his life in Russia away from the war. 

Professor Vector? No, she only had an interest in numbers.

Professor Clydesdale? No way! He was too busy thanking him all the time for saving them against Lord Voldemort.

Professor Snape would be the best choice to talk to about the war and the dark arts. After all, he spent most of the war spying on the order and divulging into the darks arts him self, so he knew what it felt like, but he  
couldn't talk to him about a couple other problems like possibly being a homosexual. Snape would laugh his head off at him and then go gloating to everyone that the boy who lived is gay. And besides, Snape hated him and would do nothing to help him. The fact that his father bullied Snape throughout school is another reason why Snape would refuse to help him.

He once again saw the sun rising and hoped to get into the school before being caught again, as he had spent every night for the past week stuck in detention with Filch and wasn't in the mood for another. Harry ran as fast as he could, but alas, he had no luck. Filch was standing at the door with that "I caught you again" smirk on his face before telling him once again he had detention.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

"Now that all is done, I would like to forward another suggestion. It seems that we have a few students that are showing particular talents in some areas and now that the danger of You-Know-Who has passed I would very like to re-introduce the apprentice program," Minerva said looking around at her staff and noting that a few were nodding their heads in agreement.

"That sounds like an excellent idea," Filius said excitedly.

"Yes I would have to agree with Filius on that matter," Professor Zhivago stated.

"Of course you would be excited," Severus snorted.

"Come on Severus, think about the prospect of passing our knowledge to the next generation of witches and wizards," Kevin said.

"I get enough of those dunderheads in class trying to blow up Hogwarts without having one around all the time," Severus said annoyed at the prospect.

"Severus, how could you say that? You are the best and most talented Potion master in Britain, if not the world. Why don't you want to pass the knowledge on?" Kevin argued

"I'll tell you why. I spend all day in that classroom with those imbeciles passing on some of my knowledge and to teach them the art of potion making. If they paid attention to what they are doing they could do it. Instead they think they're in a cooking class," Severus spat angrily.

"But Severus..."

"ENOUGH!" Severus fumed "I refuse to pass on anything to those that don't appreciate it."

Minerva, who was watching the exchange between her two colleagues, decided to step in before things got out of hand, especially since Kevin was arguing with Severus and Severus had an even shorter fuse then normal people.

"Gentlemen, stop this bickering at once." Minerva commanded. "Severus, you are blatantly not interested in appointing an apprentice, which is a real shame because you are a very talented man (Severus snorted) but I would be wasting my breath trying to convince you otherwise."

"Minerva, I will not waste my time on teaching those who do not want to know or learn," Severus stubbornly stated.

"That's not it, and you know it but I would rather discuss that later with you."

Severus held back from rolling his eyes but instead just glared at the woman until she looked away to address the other staff. (Editor's Note: STARING CONTEST!) "I would like you all to have a think about who you would like offer an apprenticeship to. Let me know and we will approach the student to see if they are interested. I would like to have it all done by the end of May," Minerva addressed her staff including Severus Snape who just humphed and looked away.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

It was Friday night and the Gryffindor common room was a buzz with anticipation. The boys were all downstairs waiting for the girls to finish getting ready.

"I can't wait to sink a few butterbeers tonight," Seamus said, "and dance the night away and get me self a girl."

"Yeah mate, you do that," Ron replied as Dean and Neville sniggered on the couch.

"Well I'm not like you, Ron, I don't have a girlfriend."

"True."

"Hi guys," Harry said, coming through the portrait.

"Look its Potter" Dean said with such distaste.

"What do you want, Potter?" Ron sneered at him.

"Umm...I was wondering…"

"Wondering what, Potter? That we could hang out, have a drink? FORGET IT!" Ron shouted.

"Well yes. We were friends and I want to make peace with you guys," Harry begged.

"No, Potter," Ron sneered.

"I agree," Hermione said from top of the stairs. Ginny stood next to her, glaring at Harry.

"But we were all friends once," Harry stated.

"That's right, Harry. Once, But you changed. You once led us into danger and we followed you. You and Ron were going to become Aurors but now you don't even care about that. You wanted to get married and have kids, preferably with Ginny, but you told her you don't want that. You're hanging around with the Slytherin's and not Gryffindor's; you destroyed our common room and never apologized to anyone for it. You are never here in the mornings anymore; you never sit with us anymore. It really feels like you used us for the past seven years," Hermione said.

"That's not true."

"Then tell me what is, I'm just dying to know."

"I never used you once in the last seven years and I never asked you to come along with me at all. If I remember right, I told you guys not to but you insisted so don't you DARE say I used you when you came of your own free  
will. Yes, I have changed, I have had enough of fighting, and I don't want to do it any more so it is no use becoming an Auror. As for marriage and kids, yes I want to get married, I want to marry someone I love, not someone everyone expects me to marry and I don't want kids. I want to be able to do things I want to do not because everyone said I should. Yes I do hang around with the Slytherin's. So what? They're my friends. As for the common room, I'm sorry," Harry said, trying to keep his temper in check.

"What about the way you have acted over the last couple of months?" Hermione said firmly.

"What do you mean?" Harry asked.

"I mean," Hermione rolled her eyes, "you owe us an apology for your behaviour over the last couple of months."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do. You practically ignored us, ran away, dumped Ginny and are now hanging about with Slytherin's."

"No. I will not apologize for ignoring you because I didn't. I wanted to be left alone so I could sort myself out and you guys wouldn't leave me alone. You said you would give me time but that meant when you guys were ready for me to talk and not when I was ready. I dumped Ginny because I do not love her and I cannot be with someone I don't love. And as for hanging with the Slytherin's, it's because you guys dumped me and they saw that I needed a friend, not somebody who will boss me around."

"What you needed? Harry, they don't know what you need. We do," Ron said annoyed at Harry.

"No you don't know. You say you are my friends but you still want me to be what people expect me to be, whereas Blaise doesn't. He thinks I should be what I want to be and do what I want."

"That's what we want too," Hermione said.

"No you don't, you want me to marry Ginny, have kids, and become an Auror. I DON'T WANT THAT!" Harry said emphasizing the last point.

"I think you're wrong."

"See, you don't even listen to me," Harry yelled.

"Why the hell should we?" Ginny finally said, annoyed at her former boyfriend.

"Because that's what people do, Ginny, they listen," Harry said who was now starting to find it hard to control his anger and he could feel his magic respond to it.

"You never once listened to what I wanted," Ginny bit back.

"I did listen but you never once understood my needs," Harry said, barely able to keep control of his magic. He knew then that if he didn't leave he would lose control of his magic.

"Sure you did," Ginny said with sarcasm and malice laced through her voice. "All you needed to do was...Hey! Where do you think you're going? I'M TALKING TO YOU!"

Harry had had enough of the rambling his former friends were going on with and when Ginny started he had to leave. He knew that if he stayed any longer he would lose control of his magic. He ignored her when she screamed at him and once out of the common room he ran, ran as fast as he could into the forbidden forest so he could let himself go. He knew that if he did it inside the castle the wards would alert them of dark magic being used and he couldn't risk that.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Harry felt better after the release of his magic and now he was making his way into Hogsmeade for a night out and perhaps a bit of fun. He was going to meet up with Blaise and his date for a couple of drinks, and then he would go out by himself so he could explore his attraction to other guys. After a couple of weeks of wrestling with his attraction to men and catching himself staring at other guys Harry had a strong feeling that he was gay.

Harry walked into the Three Broomsticks and instantly saw Blaise waving him over. He gave a small smile and walked to where Blaise was sitting. 

"Hey, Harry," Blaise said, giving him butterbeer. "Here, I got you a butter beer."

"Thanks, Blaise," Harry replied and took a swig.

"What took you so long, Harry?" Blaise asked.

"I decided to talk to Ron, Hermione and a couple of other Gryffindor's," Harry said feeling dejected.

"That good, huh?" Blaise said, placing a hand on Harry's shoulder.

"They still refuse to listen to what I like to do and they want me to do what they think I should do," Harry said still feeling a bit angry at them.

"Look, Harry, you don't need this, haven't you been through enough? The last thing you want is people to control your life. Do what you want not what others want," Blaise said with a smile.

"Thanks, Blaise," Harry said, and started to look around, remembering that Blaise said he was on a date. "Hey, I thought you said you had a date. Where is she?"

Blaise gave out a little laugh at Harry before he said, "She and Millie went to the bathroom."

Harry smiled and finished his butterbeer. He went up to the bar to order another for himself, Blaise, and Blaise's date as well.

"Drinking by yourself, Potter?"

Harry grimaced as he heard Seamus come up behind him.

"Yeah who else would want to drink with him?" Ron said laughing at Harry.

"Just leave me alone," Harry pleaded.

"Oh, did hear that Ron? Harry wants to be left alone," Seamus mocked him.

"He thinks that he is left alone then perhaps someone would see him and they might want to be his friend," Ron said sarcastically.

"They can't in case Harry thinks they're making him do something that they want," laughed Seamus.

"So true. Maybe we should send them an owl and warn them."

"Why don't you just leave me alone?" Harry demanded.

"Careful Ron, Harry actually said something, do you think we should listen?"

"Let me see...No."

"Fine if you two are going to be such gits then I'm leaving," Harry said and went back to where Blaise was sitting with two girls.

"Hey Harry, I was nearly going to send the Aurors after you. You were taking so long," joked Blaise.

"Yeah, sorry about that," Harry said deciding not to tell Blaise about his run-in with Seamus and Ron.

"Anyway you got the drinks and it's time to relax," Blaise said to cheer up Harry who laughed along with Blaise and the girls.

"Harry this is Millicent Bulstrode my girl friend and this is Jane Parker. Jane's Millie's cousin in Ravenclaw," Blaise said giving Harry a wink.

Harry inwardly groans the last thing he wanted was to be set up with another girl, especially since his interest in girls was nonexistent. "Pleased to meet you," Harry said politely.

They spent the next hour chatting and sharing a few drinks when another student from Ravenclaw came in and Jane suddenly excused herself. Blaise and Millie seemed in total awe of one another, so Harry thanked them for the drink and decided to go for a walk. 

He left the Three Broomsticks and cast a quick _tempus_ to check the time. There were at least four hours before he had to be back at the castle. He felt kind of down knowing that he had no chance of finding out more about his sexuality as at the Broomsticks it was all girl/boy couples and no same sex couples. The last thing Harry wanted to do was to humiliate himself in front of everybody.

Harry walked around Hogsmeade for about half an hour when he saw a man. The man was looking over his shoulder as to make sure no one was following him and this got Harry curious as to what the man was up. He decided to follow the man, staying in the shadows like Professor Snape had taught him.

The man went to a small place called the Wicked Enchantments and Harry decided he will follow him in. When Harry walked in he was absolutely amazed at the place. It was smaller than the Three Broomsticks. The bar was on the right hand wall with a few tables and chairs. On the opposite side of the bar was the fireplace, which ran  
the length of the wall and had loveseats in front of the fireplace as well as tables to place drinks on. On the far wall was booths, and the area was dimly lit which gave couples their privacy and on the other wall was a stage where a band could play as well as a dance floor. But the one thing that Harry instantly noticed was that there were no women here. In fact, the couples that were already dancing on the floor were men, which made Harry happy knowing that he was in a gay bar and he could finally be himself. He went up to the bar, got himself a firewhisky, and decided to sit in a booth for a little bit of privacy.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Harry spent the night drinking and dancing. It was hard to believe that he actually danced and really enjoyed it, considering what a disaster the Yule Ball was in his fourth year, but this was different than that. At the Yule Ball, he danced with a girl and it was formal dancing. However, after watching for a little while, the man that he followed into the club came over and asked him to dance. The two of them danced for a couple of hours to the latest wizarding and Muggle music.

After he finished dancing they went outside and Harry was hoping he could get his first kiss with a man he so desperately wanted, but it didn't happen. Josef then asked him if he would meet him there again next week and he happily agreed to it.

The weekend past really quickly for Harry, he completed all of his homework on Saturday and most of Sunday he spent with Blaise and his girlfriend Millie, her cousin Jane and her new boyfriend Elijah. From what Millie told him, Jane was trying to get the courage to ask him out for a long time and Elijah had wanted to ask Jane out for a while, too. 

Blaise told him he had no idea the Jane was interested in someone else but if he wanted he could help him get a girl. Harry explained to him that he didn't need his help with a girl as he had a date already for this  
coming Friday. He didn't know how to tell Blaise that his date was a guy. 

Although Harry had finally come to terms with the fact that he was gay and it didn't frighten him at all, he wasn't sure how other people would react to it. He remember once that his Uncle came home from work rambling on about one of his colleges was gay and how wrong it was. He knew in the muggle world homosexuality wasn't really excepted even though it was slowly changing; he just wanted to know how the wizarding world would accept it before he came out.

The nights, however, were still the same for Harry. He would barely get more then three to four hours sleep. The rest of the night would be spent in the forbidden forest casting dark magic and the feeling of been drawn to it  
was getting stronger and stronger. Harry had also managed to avoid Filch and his stupid cat Mrs. Norris, who Harry would love to, cast the imperious curse on just see Filch's reaction.

Monday morning came around and Harry felt extremely tired. If anyone ever bothered to take a closer look at him, they could see that Harry showed signs of what lack of sleep could do to a person. Even his magic was feeling drawn out, but that never stopped him from doing what he was doing. He cast his usual glamour charm to hide what his face was truly showing.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Harry was having hard time coping with his classes; he was extremely tired and drained. He felt like he could sleep for a week but he knew that would never happen. He brewed many dreamless sleep potions but they never really worked and he knew taking them every night could become very addictive.

Harry was also getting a lot of rudeness from his own house. Ron, Seamus, Dean, Ginny and even Hermione were out to make his life miserable along with Malfoy. Truth be told, Harry was sick of it all and if it wasn't for Blaise and Millie, he would have pulled his wand out on them. 

After lunch was the class he was looking forward to the most – potions. He now understood the art that is potion making and the calming effect that brewing had on him. He wanted to study potion-making once he left school,  
but his current problem was Professor Snape.

Although he was now top of the class, he could still see that Professor Snape doubted his abilities and was always trying to catch him cheating. 

Blaise, Millie and Harry were making their way down to the dungeons when Jane and Elijah also joined them. There were not many students in NEWT level potions. In fact, most students didn't continue on with potions past fifth year. The five of them were chatting about this and that and Harry could feel Hermione glaring. At that point, he couldn't care less.

Once in the dungeons, they all took their seat just as the bell went off. A few seconds later, the dungeon doors banged open with Professor Snape charging into the classroom with his robes billowing. He reached the front of the classroom before turning around and glaring at his students. With a flick of his wrist, the door slammed shut, causing a few students to jump.

"Separate, the lot of you. NOW!" Snape bellowed. Without hesitation, they separated into individual work stations, knowing that any delays meant you would be on the receiving end of Professor Snape's wrath. 

"Today you are brewing the _elixir to induce euphoria potion_. Instructions are on the board. Now get to work," Professor Snape sneered. 

Harry got his ingredients and set to work.

As the class continued Professor Snape checked each student's progress, noting that most of them didn't have the right consistency or colour for the stage they were at. When he got to Harry's cauldron, he was surprised to see that Harry's was the only correct potion so far. It was even better than that of Granger and Malfoy. He sneered at Harry and stormed off, not believing that Harry had the best potion in the class once again. 

Professor Snape decided he needed to get Potter into detention to find out whether it was him doing the potions or someone else.

"Clean up and place your vial on my desk," Professor Snape ordered.

Harry made his way up to the front on the class. As he was passing Hermione's desk, she stuck her leg out and tripped him, making him lose his balance and drop his potion.

Professor Snape heard someone dropping their potion and spun around to see who the offending student was. "Potter you incompetent imbecile! 30 points from Gryffindor and detention tonight. 8 pm," Professor Snape bellowed out to an angry looking Harry Potter.

Harry turned to Hermione who was smirking at him and yelled, "What the hell was that for?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Hermione said playing the innocent.

Harry was about to draw out his wand. He had had enough of the antics that he was getting from his fellow house mates. Someone put a hand on his arm to stop him.

"She's not worth it," Blaise simply stated.

Harry looked between him and Hermione. He could see that Hermione wore a triumph smirk on her face that Harry wanted to banish off her face. Then he looked at Blaise, who was still holding his arm and looking at him with a serene look saying that if he went through with whatever he was going to do, he would be in a lot of trouble. Harry gave him a slight nod, relaxed his arm, and walked back to his desk to collect his things.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Severus Snape was sitting at his desk marking the seventh years' essays when he came across Harry Potter's. Severus was surprised at the improvement that Potter had shown in his potion making ability; it almost seemed the boy had a natural talent for it. This brought him back to the staff meeting the other night, where Minerva wanted to re-introduce the apprentice program. He knew Pomona had already offered Longbottom an apprenticeship in Herbology, and there was talk among Filius and Kevin about offering Potter an apprenticeship. Severus thought about the apprentice program and his options were very limited. If he wanted to, he could offer it to Granger; although she severely lacked the creative ability you need for potions. Malfoy's interest belonged with the Ministry where he could make lots of money.

Then came Potter. Potter's abilities had excelled since the beginning of the year, and he seemed to understand the properties of each ingredient better now. Severus thought he could offer him the apprenticeship, but no doubt he would choose either Charms or Defence or even flying instructor. Shaking his head, he went back to his marking.

A half hour later, he had finished marking the seventh years' essays. He got the ingredients out for Potter to brew his potion again and had just finished laying them out when he heard the knock on the door.

"Enter," he snapped.

"I'm here for my detention, sir," Potter said in a monotone voice.

"You have a knack for stating the obvious, Mr. Potter," Snape sneered at him. "You are to brew the potion we did in class today without destroying the final result."

"Yes, sir," Harry said, too tired to even argue with Professor Snape.

Professor Snape watched Potter get to work without retorting back at him. He also noticed that Potter was once again wearing glamour. Snape thought that perhaps he got into another fight, but something told him that was wrong.

Professor Snape continued his marking while checking Potter every few minutes to make sure that he was brewing the potion correctly, which to his surprise he was. He was in the middle of correcting an essay when he heard a loud bang.

"Mr. Potter, do you think you can work in silence?" Snape said annoyed without looking up.

"Mr Potter I do ex..." Professor Snape said angrily as he looked up to only discover that Potter had clasped on the ground with the cauldron been knocked off it flame and lying on its side with the potion running out over the desk onto the floor where Potter was.

Professor Snape quickly pulled out his wand, extinguished the flame, cast a cleansing spell on the potion after he took a sample in case the potion had an effect on the boy. He rushed over to where Potter was laying noticing the boy had burns on him from where the potion landed on him but was surprised him the most was that the glamour the boy had on was gone, it would have happened when he fell unconscious but he face was drawn, he had black rings around his eyes that had also sunken in, his skin was very pale and by the looks of him he hadn't eaten a decent meal in months.

Professor Snape levitated Potter into his private quartes much to his discuss having a Potter in own quarters. He _accio _a pillow and a blanket, he placed the pillow under Potter's head as he lie on his sofa, he removed his classes and place the blanket on him and went and fire called Poppy.

"Poppy" Severus called out. After a minute no answer came he called again but this time he put more malice in his voice "POPPY"

"No need to use that tone of voice with me young man" came the annoyed response of the medi -witch

"Whatever" Snape said in a tone suggesting that he didn't care even though Poppy knew differently

"What has you in such a fizzle that you need to call me at this hour Severus" Poppy asked

"Mr Potter has had an accident and now is lying unconscious on my sofa" Severus sneered

"Move aside Severus I'm coming through" Poppy said instantly turning on her professional mode

Severus did as he was told and made his way back to the sofa as Poppy stepped through and followed him over to where Harry Potter laid still unconscious on Severus' sofa.

Poppy scanned Potter and when the parchment appeared in front of her she ran a more detailed scan on him to get a more accurate reading of what exactly was wrong with Potter.

"Get Minerva Severus" Poppy ordered him while she got some potions out of her carry bag that she had prepared if she was ever called to a student that was not in the hospital wing she had learnt that many years ago when Severus would get some nasty injuries from the marauders pranks gone horribly wrong and also with Harry been under constant attack from either Voldermort or a death eater.

Poppy spelled the potions into Potter before turning to talk to Severus and Minerva who came through while she was attending to Potter.

"What's the matter with Potter?" Minerva asked before Poppy got to say anything

"Have a seat and I will explain" Poppy said have both her and Minerva took a seat. Severus rolled his eyes annoyed that his private chambers were now used as a meeting room and took a seat.

Poppy called her house elf and ordered some tea and cake and with in seconds the house elf appeared with the request.

"Minerva what do you know of Harry's movements since he returned to school?" Poppy said seriously

"Other then attending his classes and meals not much I'm afraid. I have had attempt to try and talk to him at the beginning of term but he refused to talk to me. I know every night for the last four weeks Argus has caught Potter wondering around the corridors or around the grounds and has placed him on detention" Minerva replied

"And you Severus?" Poppy direct to him knowing that he was more observant then any other staff member

"Mr Potter has been serving many detention with Argus as Minerva said for been out past curfew, he wears a constant glamour, he no longer friends with any Gryffindor's in fact he spends all of his time with the Slytherin's. At meal time he barely eats enough food to feed a rat and his grades are high especially in potions." Severus rattled on as if they should have known this.

"Why? What's the matter with him Poppy?" Minerva asked deeply concerned.

"When I first ran a scan on him apart from the burns that he has they revealed that Harry's magic is severely drained, he is suffering from malnutrition and has exhausted himself. So I decided to run a more in depth scan to collect some necessary information, It seems that Harry barely has three hours of sleep on average, he hasn't eaten a decent meal for a couple on months and his magic core is drained from excessive amounts of use but I'm at a lost on what would cause such a massive strain on him. He is also suffering from depression or more precisely post traumatic stress."

"What do we do?" Minerva asked

"Find the cause" Poppy simply stated "He needs to talk about what has happen to him, he needs a few decent meals and at least seven to nine hours of sleep a night and also find out what is causing so much stress on his magic core.

But in the mean time I want him on bed rest for at least a week. He needs nutrient potions and strictly no magic at all." Poppy stated in her professional voice."

"He going to need all our help" Minerva said looking over to the sleeping teen "I'm so sorry Potter" she whispered quietly

"Now you have all decided what is to be done with Potter I ask you to take him out of my quartes along with yourself" Severus said irritably

"Severus tone that attitude done young man. We are not fighting a war anymore and in case you forgotten young Harry here did testify for you" Poppy said annoyed at Severus

"I know that woman, I just..." Severus started before Poppy interrupted him

"I know Severus" Poppy said calmly.

Severus sighed looking over at the teen knowing that he and Potter had both suffered a lot during the wall both by the light and dark sides and that the both of them had no one really to turn.

"I guess we should get Potter up to the infirmary" Minerva said

"No" Poppy said

"No, but surely Potter needs to be in the infirmary" Minerva said amazed at Poppy

"I will not have Harry up in the infirmary where every man and dragon can look at him" Poppy simply stated

"What about his dorm then" Minerva suggested

"I don't think the dorm will be safe for Mr Potter" Severus said

"Why not Severus?" asked Minerva confused at why her potions professor would say that the Gryffindor dorm was not safe.

"As I said earlier Minerva Mr Potter has fallen out with his friends"

"Then what do suggest we do?"

"Harry could stay here" Poppy suggested

"WHAT?" Snape yelled. Harry had collapsed during detention due to the combination of little sleep, post-traumatic stress disorder, and dark magic.

"Severus, I know you and Harry don't get along, but can he at least stay there tonight until we can organize somewhere else for him?" Madam Pomfrey asked.

Severus thought that Poppy's suggestion that he keep the Potter brat in his own personal quarters was absolutely ludicrous.

"I need someone who can watch over him and I already have a full infirmary," Poppy begged, knowing that Severus would cave into her.

"Just tonight," Severus said in a defeated tone. 

"Thank you Severus," and with that she left.

Minerva stayed staring at him, knowing the relationship between Severus and Poppy was something special going all the way back to when he first stepped into Hogwarts.

"Severus," Minerva said.

"Yes?"

"I know it has been a while, but how are things going with you?"  
Shaking his head and looking away, Severus knew exactly what Minerva wanted to know, but like always he couldn't say it yet, simply because he didn't know.

"Nothing changed," He finally declared.

"Severus, I know you have had it rough and you deserve better, just like Harry," Minerva said gently.

"Minerva," Severus said, stopping her in her tracks. "Thank you" he said quietly.

Minerva smiled at him. Although they bickered and disagreed a lot of the time, she always had time for the potions professor who suffered much more then he needed to, especially at the hands of Voldemort and Dumbledore both manipulating him for each of their causes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter that privilege belongs to J.K Rowling's

**Warning:** This story contains slash m/m, also mentions abuse.

**Pairing:** HP/GW, HP/SS, RW/HG, NL/LL

**Author Notes:** This is my first time writing slash, please be gentle (LOL). This story takes place after Voldermort has been killed. For the purpose of my story Professor Snape is still alive. OOC for Ron, Hermione and some of the Gryffindor but this story happens after the war and people do change.

The story begins towards the end of summer just before they get on the train to Hogwarts for their final year. Harry never returned to the Dursley's after he defeated Voldermort.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Harry was tossing and turning dreaming once again of the last battle, the battle that he won for the wizarding world that cause everybody to celebrate but in truth is was the beginning of Harry's battle of within, the battle that had changed him, he was no longer that little boy who came back into the wizarding world at eleven years old having no idea who he was. He is now an eighteen year old man who had seen and done more in his short life then a forty year old man.

_"You and your worthless friends will die tonight" hissed Voldemort._

"No."

"Such emotion, from one so young. You see Harry your emotion is what makes you weak."

"I'm not weak at least I can feel unlike you or wouldn't know what it is like to have a true friend."

"I got more friends then you could ever have. Crucio," Voldemort hissed.

"Arrgggghhhhh," Harry screamed. The louder he screamed, the more power Voldemort put into his curse. After what seemed like hours but was only minutes, Voldemort lifted the curse and Harry slowly got to his feet.

"Is that the best you got?" Harry said his throat sore from screaming

"Do you want another taste? Crucio," Voldemort hissed. This time, Harry dived and threw another curse at him, which Voldemort dodged with ease. They kept on exchanging curse for curse and they both were diving deep and deeper into the darks arts.

"Sectumsempra," Harry cursed at Voldemort, who thought his shields would hold. He was wrong as the curse blasted through his shields and hit Voldemort directly into the chest. Blood went everywhere.

Harry walked up to Voldemort, "I will return, you will see I will be back" he hissed full of confidence

_"You're wrong, we destroyed all your horcruxes," Harry said with a smirk. Voldemort face went from full of confidence to sheer terror knowing that he would never be able to return. Harry raised his wand pointed it at Voldemort chest and uttered the words "Avada Kad..."_

Harry bolted upright looking around he had no idea where he was or how he got here.

The last thing he remembers was re – doing his potion in detention with Snape and now he is lying on someone's sofa, Merlin only knows where and he really needed to go and blast off some steam or better still blast something.

Harry checked to make sure he had his wand and went about looking for a way out of where ever he was. After a couple of minutes he found himself back into his potion classroom and from there he ran as fast as he could out of the dungeons heading towards the forbidden forest not caring who was or what was about but he could have sworn he heard someone call out Potter and he was almost certain that someone was Professor Snape.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Severus awoke to the sound of screaming and thought for a moment it was himself as he often has nightmares and wakes either screaming or in a cold sweat and after a few moments he realized it wasn't him he got up, went to the bathroom and threw on his teaching robes to go out an see if Potter is alright but then he felt the wards in his potion classroom go off.

He races out to his classroom and as he passes the sofa where Potter was suppose to be but he was gone and he new instantly that it was Potter in his classroom more then likely trying to find his way out to either head back to Gryffindor tower, room of requirements or for the past few weeks Filch has caught Potter coming back inside so that were Severus decided he will head.

"Potter" Severus called out as he saw the boy run down the hall and outside the castle.

"Foolish boy" Severus growled as he followed Potter out into Hogwarts grounds and into the forbidden forest.

He followed Potter deep into the forest until Potter reached a clearing and stopped and Professor Snape was going to go and confront the boy but was stopped suddenly when he saw the boy raise his wand and started cursing anything that moves and he decided to remain in the shadows to perhaps get some answers to the boy erratic behaviour.

Professor Snape remained in the shadows as he watched Potter throw curses, hexes and any spell he had in his arsenal. He watched as Potter started off with simple spells then he divulged himself more and more into the dark arts.

Professor Snape knew then as he watch the spell leave Harry's wand as well as Harry windless magic of how powerful Harry really is. He was more powerful then Albus Dumbledore and Tom Riddle who later became known to the world as Voldemort and their was no doubt that in Professor Snape's mind that Harry was on a path of darkness and it was only a matter of time before it would consume him. He had no family to speak of other then his muggle relatives which Harry refuses to see, is godfather was killed a couple of years ago, he recently lost the werewolf and his wife leaving their son an orphan who was in the care of his grandmother, he has also suffered the loss of Albus Dumbledore who was like a grandfather to Harry and now his friends in Gryffindor have disserted him as well.

Professor Snape also knew that if he showed himself to Potter they were more likely end up in a full on duel and no matter what, it would end badly for either one of them or both and the last thing he wanted to be known as the man who killed the boy who lived again who killed he who must not be named, it was bad enough that he was known as Albus Dumbledore's killer even though he was proven innocence he didn't feel like it at all.

He had enough of watching Potter heading down the path of self destruction and turned to leave to see if he could catch Filch and sends him a wild goose chase so he would not catch Potter coming back into the castle at all. As he started to walk away he heard what could only be described as a wild banshee squeal in pain and instantly turn back to see if Harry was alright but what he saw left him gobsmacked and sent chills down his spine, Harry Potter standing over a young acromantulas casting the Cruciatus curse on him. But that in himself was not terrifying as he seen Potter cast it before but the emotions he could sense from the man, betrayal, pain, hurt and hatred but he could also sense the man scarification in harming another creature and he knew if nothing was done to help Potter he would become the next dark lord and there would be nobody out there to stop him.

He walked away again and has he did he saw a green light and he knew instantly that Potter just casted the killing curse on the acromantulas and he felt his stomach sink wondering how long before Potter would cast that on another living soul like another person or something more precious then a spider.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Harry made his way to the great hall for breakfast feeling a bit worse for wear but glad that he didn't get caught by Filch this morning for which he was glad and for the first time since school had started he hasn't got a detention tonight and he plan on keeping it that way, he hoped.

"Hay Harry" Blaise said who was already sitting down at the Slytherin table next to his girlfriend Millie. Harry for the last week or so has now been sitting at the Slytherin table instead of the Gryffindor one and he has found out that the Slytherin's are not what they seem and he felt like he belong there more then he did in Gryffindor and thought to himself perhaps he should have let the hat put him in Slytherin like it wanted to.

"Hay Blaise"

"How did your detention go with Snape last night?"

"Alright he just made me re-do the potion again" Harry replied leaving out the part where he collapsed and waking up somewhere he wasn't sure where but he had a feeling he now knew he woke up in Snape's quarters.

"That's a real drag but hay it could be worse you could have had Filch"

Harry laughed at the last statement from his friend and grabbed himself a slice of toast and a cup of coffee before he saw Malfoy walk in.

Things between him and Malfoy have been getting better although they weren't friends they more unless exchanged friendly banters with each other.

"Well, well, well what have we here? A lion on the snake table I think you are at the wrong table scar head" Malfoy drooled

"Why don't you go back to your hole ferret" Harry responded with a bit of attitude

"NO I don't think so beside Potty you think you belong here?"

"Maybe, Mouth ya all perhaps I could go and ask the snakes"

"What you must be hissing mad then Potter" Malfoy replied almost humorously

"Wow Malfoy you almost made a funny"

"Why scared Potter?" Malfoy replied

"You wish" Harry smirked

Malfoy, Harry and the rest of the Slytherin were having a laugh at the two former enemies who were starting to put there animosity aside in favour of a friendship.

Harry was glad that Malfoy had stopped his animosity towards him, although he still picks on Ron, Hermione and some other of the Gryffindor's which at first still annoyed Harry but now he doesn't care anymore for most of the Gryffindor have shunned him.

Malfoy has been watching Potter like he has done through the past seven years, even though he has never hated Potter but because he was the son of a death eater and Potter the saviour of the wizarding world he had a certain aspect to live up to thanks to his father but now the war was over and he has regretted a lot of things he has done to Potter he really wanted to make amends with him and now was the perfect time to do it.

Although he and Potter have been getting on and it helps when you don't sabotage his potion work or taunt him continuously like he had done in the past but now he wants to put that all behind him and perhaps even be friends with Potter.

Blaise who was now friends with Potter have told them Potter is not what he seems and once he got to know him he found out that Potter is a loyal friend, kind, considerate and will defend his friends but Blaise has also found that Harry is suffering a lot although he wont tell Blaise of the problem, he also withdrawn and can get very agitated very quickly so quickly you can feel his magic respond to it and Blaise has told him and the rest of the Slytherin that Potter can get upset very quickly and his magic responds nearly straight away.

Malfoy straighten himself up, masked his nervousness, swallowed his pride but stood tall and took the plunged.

"Potter" he said sound seriously "I know we have never gotten on and I have done some rather mean things to you and I would like to apologize for everything I had done to you but I know that is not enough but I would like for us to make amends and let bygones be bygones and I would like to offer my friendship to you Potter"

Harry looked at Malfoy rather astoundingly for he never thought that he would ever be the first to apologize for anything but he has done it now and in front of the Slytherin's.

Harry mind was telling him to forgive him and let what lies in the past stay there even though he was still having trouble with his own problems perhaps forgiving Malfoy could be a start.

Malfoy notice the hesitation Potter was having and he thought perhaps if he offered Potter his hand he might accept it, so he offered his right hand to Potter.

Harry watched as Malfoy offered his hand and thought that if he was serious enough to apologize then offer his hand then Harry would give him a chance

"Harry" Harry said as he stood and shook Malfoy's hand

"What?" Malfoy replied

"My friends call me Harry not Potter and I accept your apologies and I also like to apologize too for the way I treated you Malfoy" Harry offered

"In that case I accept Pot...Harry and my friends also call me Draco" Draco said with a slight smirk but was rather relieved and him and Harry sat down along with Blaise and Millie and enjoyed his breakfast before he headed out to the greenhouse for his lesson in herbology.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

"Harry"

"Harry"

Still nothing.

"Harry" someone called again and placed a hand on Harry's left shoulder.

Harry who was so deep in thought didn't notice anyone call out to him until he felt someone's hand on his left shoulder and he jumped turning around while pulling his wand out ready to hex whoever touch him but when he saw Neville standing there extremely nervous looking at Harry's wand which was pointed in between his eyes.

"For Merlin's sake Neville don't sneak up on me like that" Harry stated slightly agitated at Neville while putting his wand back in his holster.

"S-s-s-sorry Harry I didn't mean to scare you, I did call out but you didn't hear me or respond to me or anything." Neville said who started out a bit nervous but quickly disappeared when he realised that Harry won't hurt him.

"What is it you want Neville?" Harry said with malice in his voice and also a tiny bit of hurt. He was hurt by the fact that Neville turned on him too, for he had always stuck up for him when he needed him no matter what.

"Harry" Neville started noting the malice that was in his voice but he was put in Gryffindor for a reason and this was it to face an angry Harry Potter.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry Harry" Neville said who was feeling really ashamed for the way he treated Harry for he was always a good friend towards him.

"Whatever Neville" Harry stated and started to walk off but didn't get really far when Neville said something to him that made him stop him in his tracks.

"They made me" Neville said quietly "Ron, Dean, Seamus, Ginny and even Hermione made me. They are so angry at you they wanted to hurt you so much even more so after you destroyed the Gryffindor common room. I didn't know what to do especially since Luna is or was best friends with Ginny"

"What do mean 'was' best friends?" Harry asked his curiosity getting the better of him

"Ginny was bad mouthing off about you saying that all you ever wanted was to use her for sex and Ron was saying now that you know who is gone you have all the fame attention you ever wanted plus more and that all you used them for was to get that.

After a little while Luna and I knew it wasn't true for we both knew you hated the fame and we distance ourselves from them because you were always such a good friend to Luna and me.

At first they hated us from leaving them to their own devices and I started copping it a bit but they backed off after a while and Ginny and Luna had a huge fight because Luna told Ginny that she had to stop letting the Nargles getting to her brain as it was messing up her thoughts and Ginny blew her top at Luna saying that she was nothing but a Looney who believed in things that don't exist.

From then on we don't eat with them or hang out and the only time I'm up in the Gryffindor tower is to sleep. Luna taught me how to ward my bed in case they decided to do something which they haven't they seemed to have left me alone, thank Merlin for that" Neville told Harry the basic run down of what has been happening and he kind of finished with a half smile at the mentioning of Luna teaching him how to ward his bed.

Harry listen to Neville give him the basic run down of what had been happening. He noted that Neville never called Voldemort by his name but rather you know who and he also noted the pride in his eyes when he told him that Luna taught him how to ward his bed.

Harry was at a bit of a loss at why they were going after Neville, he didn't do anything to deserve the way he got treated in fact he gave Neville points for standing up to them and Luna too.

"Thank you Neville" Harry said sounding remorse at what Neville went through

"That's OK Harry beside what are friends for" Neville stated giving Harry a friendly clap on the back before once again telling him "I'm really sorry for what had happened Harry"

"It's alright Neville they never should have done that to you" Harry stated as both men headed down to class for their Herbology lesson.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Severus Snape sat at the staff table not really eating his breakfast for he had his mind on one Harry Potter and what he witness from the boy a mere two hours ago compare to the Harry Potter who was now sitting at the Slytherin table as he just didn't cast the three unforgivable curses.

He watched as him and Draco Malfoy exchanged a few words then he watched at the Malfoy heir straighten himself up and said something to Potter who contemplated what the boy had said to him and then shook his hand. But it wasn't just a shake of the hands from the two former enemies it is as if they let all the animosity between them lifted and a new relationship had just formed and Severus decided he would have to see how the two now former enemies' new relationship pans out.

But that aside for the time being he needed to speak to Minerva about Potter and since he didn't have class this morning he went up to speak with the headmistress, breakfast long forgotten.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Minerva McGonagall was sitting at her desk completely immersed in her work until she felt the wards alerting her that a staff member had arrived and a moment later there was a firm knock on the door.

"Enter" she called out while putting her quill down and capping her ink bottle.

"Minerva" Severus said walking in and giving the headmistress a stern look

"Tea Severus" Minerva offered having a feeling this wasn't a social call remembering that Severus had Harry stay with him last night.

"Fine" Severus replied "But this is not a social call Minerva"

"I guessed as much" Minerva said feeling slightly apprehensive especially when it involved one Severus Snape and one Harry Potter and since more then likely both are involved didn't ease her mine one bit.

"I take it last night did not go to well Severus" she said pouring a cup of tea and handing it to the young man

"That is putting it one way" Severus said taking a sip of tea before he continued "Tell me something is there anything been done to help Harry Potter?"

With a sad sigh Minerva put down her cup looking over her half moon glasses at Severus

"I have tried to talk to him when he got back from school break but it did no good and I have offered him someone to talk to but as far as I know he hasn't. I didn't think it would have been wise to push him he has been through enough"

"For once I agree Minerva pushing Potter would be detrimental to anyone but he can not continue on the path he is on for that would be worse then anything the wizarding world could ever face"

"Severus, what could be worse then he who must not be named returning"

"The answer Minerva is Harry Potter"

"Potter he wouldn't do anything to hurt anyone" Minerva said trying to defend the boy

"Are you sure Severus?" Albus Dumbledore portrait added

"Potter was a sleep on my couch last night in case you didn't know Albus" Severus started off

"I did know that Minerva was kind enough to inform me of last night's events" Albus replied

"But what does that have to do with anything?" Minerva asked confused at what Severus told Albus

"If you be quiet women I will tell" Severus started and gave her a glare to stop her from talking then continued "As I mentioned before Potter stayed in my quarter's last night but not for long"

"I thought he stayed there all night Severus he looked exhausted" Minerva commented

"He is exhausted Minerva from lack of sleep and a huge drain on his magic and suffering rather badly"

"I know that Poppy did give us the information last night Severus"

"I know that Minerva but I can evaluate more on what Poppy told us last night and I think it would be wise for her to come here to hear what I have to say and help with Potter recovery"

"Alright" Minerva said getting up and heading over to the floo calling the medi - witch and a few minutes later Poppy entered the office.

"Severus, Minerva" Poppy greeted them taking her a seat next to Severus

Minerva gave Poppy a run down of what they have discussed and explained to her that Severus had more insight into Potter.

"Please continue Severus" Minerva said once she finished talking to Poppy

"Last night I was awoken to the sound of moaning which didn't fathom with me and I got up and grabbed my robes when the wards to my classroom went off and I went out to see what student was trying to get into my ingredients and when i went through the living room it is when I noticed that Potter was gone and I instantly knew it wasn't someone breaking in but Potter getting out.

I followed Potter rather deeply into the forbidden forest for the next few hours he cast a lot of spells. First starting off with the weaker ones then as he moved on yelling and screaming and the magic he poured into the spells he was using was getting stronger and stronger"

"There's more to it Severus, something your telling us" Albus said still been able to recognize when he was holding information back.

"Albus the boy is in need of help"

"And so are you Severus"

Severus remained silent he didn't need everyone to know of his own problems.

"Perhaps they could help each other" Minerva said after a minute noticing Severus retreat back into himself

"WHAT! Are you mad women there is no way I am helping Potter" Severus instantly bellowed at Minerva

"Severus just a minute ago you were saying that Potter needs help"

"Yes Potter not me"

"I disagree with you Severus and if you want to know what I think"

"No Minerva I don't want to know what you think at all woman but I have feeling you are going to tell me"

"I think you need someone to talk to, someone who understands the horrors you have seen and what better person for that then Harry who is suffering just as much as you are and perhaps you can use each other and understanding what each other went through then perhaps you both might be able to move on" Minerva stated

"I won't do it Minerva. I refuse to sit down and have idle chit chat with that boy"

"He is not a boy Severus and the sooner you realize this, the better. He is a young man, a very troubled and disturbed young man who is he desperate need of our help and if we don't help him who knows what could happen to him, you were there with him when his casting spells Severus you tell me do we help him or do we leave him alone" Minerva said sternly to Severus who tried to glare her down when she spoke to him but soon gave up.

Severus was thinking that perhaps Minerva could be right it would be good to know that someone out there knew exactly what he went through and Potter would be about the only one who could understand the horrors of the psychotic man.

He also knew that if Potter was left alone to his own devices and the path that he was on could spell disaster for the wizarding world.

Severus understand the draw that dark magic had, magic that Potter was using when he was blasting away in the Forbidden Forest and also the fact that he was using the three unforgivable curses even though they were on a spider he could cast them relatively easy which could possible mean that the darkness of the magic is consuming Potter and at this point Severus did not want to see what would happen is Potter is fully taken in by the lure of dark magic or when Potter actually uses the unforgivable on a something more elite then a spider say a human or even a centaur could be enough to undo him and the last thing the wizarding world needs is another war especially after Voldemort.

After considering things Severus only saw two options. One helps Potter or two leave Potter alone and watch him shed terror on the wizarding world. The latter was not an option.

"I will help him" Severus said quietly

Minerva gave out a small victory smile for she knew just like Albus had said that Severus was not telling them everything and she feared what Severus was holding back about Potter was not good at all and decided he would face the lesser of the two evils and help Potter.

Like Minerva, Poppy was also glad that Severus was helping out Potter for she didn't want to see either of them suffer as much as they were suffering and if Severus could help Potter then perhaps Potter could Help Severus in return for Poppy has a special place in her heart for Severus and she hated the way he was suffering and would much like to see the torment gone from him and perhaps some happiness come his way or perhaps he could even find someone to love.

"Minerva" Poppy said

"Yes Poppy"

"Last night we discussed that Harry needs somewhere to stay especially now for he could not stay in the Gryffindor tower anymore"

"I agree with Poppy" Severus stated "Perhaps some private quarters for him could be an option"

"Why Severus I didn't know you were that concerned" Minerva remarked

"You wanted me to help the boy or not Minerva" Severus spat back

A little taken back by Severus' abrupt attitude she decided to tread a bit more carefully because like Potter Severus tolerance level was extremely low and didn't take much now days to set him off.

"I apologize Severus all I meant was I didn't know you were concerned for his welfare so much"

"It not his I'm worried about Minerva, you saw what he did to the Gryffindor common room (Minerva nodded), now imagine that was another student who got on the wrong side of Potter's wand"

Minerva could see Severus' point.

"Your right Severus it would be in everyone best interest if Potter had his own private quarters. I would make arrangements at once. Now is there anything further we need to discuss at this point?" Minerva looked from both Severus to Poppy who both shook there heads no in response to Minerva question

"Alright then let's get this happening and Severus I will leave it to you to organise the sessions with Potter and Poppy you need to organise a follow through with Potter as well"

They both gave there nods as they left the headmistresses office.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Harry was fuming he couldn't believe what has happened.

The day started out as normal for him been out in the forbidden forest practicing his magic feeling exhilarated, alive as if nothing in the world could touch him and by the time he headed back to the castle he was on top of the world and felt even better when Filch wasn't there to give him detention.

Then he went and have breakfast where Draco Malfoy apologize to him and offered his friendship which he was glad to accept, then Neville also apologized to him which made Harry glad to have his friend back but a bit weary at the same time but he decided he will let that one play out for Neville was a good friend and he was glad that Neville made his own mind up and followed his own wishes instead of someone else's.

His morning classes went by with no problems then came lunch and from there everything went down hill. When he entered the hall Ron had started up at him again causing a big scene in the hall from which Harry had enough and left and headed to the room of requirements where he let off some steam only to be confronted with Hermione and Ginny once he left the room of requirements and he stormed off from them knowing if he stayed he would have hexed both of them to next week and not regret it.

Once classes have finished for the day he had another run in Ron along with Seamus and without thought he pulled his wand on them and was about to curse both of them when Snape of all people came around the corner deducted points and gave him detention that night straight after supper and to top it off a house elf appeared and told him Professor McGonagall wanted to see him immediately.

So now his was standing outside of McGonagall's office feeling like he should blast the door off it hinges instead of knocking but for all the trouble he would get into for blasting the door it would not be worth it so instead he opted for knocking instead.

With a sigh Harry knocked on the door.

"Enter" He heard McGonagall call out and with another sigh Harry composed himself and entered the headmistresses' office.

"Harry my boy, it good to see you" Albus said with his eyes twinkling like crazy

"I wish I could say the same sir" Harry replied coldly to the former headmaster

"Harry I know that you're..." Albus started but didn't get a chance to continue before Harry yelled at him

"Don't you dare tell you know you know nothing while you made me believe that everything you did were for the greater good but what about me huh? What did you ever do for me that wasn't for the greater good" Harry snapped

Albus looked at Minerva who was also watching Harry's little outburst getting an understanding of how much Harry has or still is suffering.

"Albus" Minerva said giving a look of saying leave him alone.

Silently Albus sat back down and remained quiet to give Minerva a chance to speak.

"Potter" the stern woman said indicating he should take seat

Harry took a seat thinking how he was going to get reprimanded for the way he spoke to Dumbledore or the amount of detentions he has be getting for wondering around the castle and on the grounds after curfew.

"You wanted to see me professor?" Harry asked timidly

"Potter it has come to my attention that you no longer sleep in the Gryffindor tower or even wear the Gryffindor uniform anymore" Professor McGonagall started

Harry looked at her defiantly for he refuses to wear anything to do with the house of Gryffindor

"With all due respect Professor but you are no longer my head of house"

"That maybe so Potter but I am your headmistress"

"So what you going to make me wear the stupid Gryffindor uniform again because if so then I walking out here and Hogwarts for good"

"No Potter I am not"

"What?" Harry said surprised

"I am not going to make you put the Gryffindor uniform on or make you go back and sleep in the Gryffindor tower"

"Your not?"

"No Potter I am not but I am going to stop you from been out after curfew"

"WHAT?" Harry yelled mortified that he won't be able to go out to the dark forest any more

"Potter" Minerva decided to approach the subject gently for if Potter was as easily upset as Severus was she would rather face Voldemort without a wand then these two volatile wizards.

"Harry it has come to my attention that you are having trouble adjusting after the war"

Harry looked at McGonagall wondering how much she actually knew.

"Professor?" Harry decided to play dumb

"Harry I wont try an understand what you are going through but what I can do is offer you some help. Now, before you interrupt me, just here me out, Madam Pomphrey would like to see you about you collapsing in detention last night and I will not have you argue with me on that Potter"

"Fine whatever" Harry spat out

"There is no need for that attitude with me Potter" Professor McGonagall said in a stern voice but Harry just rolled his eyes at her for all he wanted to do is head out to the forest.

"There was also another suggestion Potter" Professor McGonagall continued ignoring Harry's antics "That perhaps you would enjoy your own personal quarters"

"Really Professor" Harry asked hopeful for the first time he came into the headmistresses office

"Yes Potter you may have your own quarters" McGonagall said seeing that Harry was hopeful at the prospect decided that perhaps Severus is right that the boy no man did need his own space and also some of the anger that was radiating off him when he first entered her office seems now dissipating.

"Where will they be, my quarter's I mean?" Harry asked quietly hoping he could choose because he knew of a place where he would like to have.

"By the look you Potter you seem to have a place in mind" Minerva stated as if she was reading Harry's mind

"There is a place down in the dungeons that I would like" Harry said hopefully

"Not a place I thought you would go to Harry but if the dungeons is where you want to be then I will not stop you"

Harry gave a small smile to the headmistress and he felt for the first time since lunch that a load has been lifted off his shoulder's and after McGonagall gave him strict instructions about seeing Madam Pomphrey tomorrow morning since he couldn't do it tonight because of his detention Harry left the office went and gathered his things and headed down to his new rooms in the dungeons.

_TBC..._


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter that privilege belongs to J.K Rowling's

**Warning:** This story contains slash m/m, also mentions abuse.

**Pairing:** HP/GW, HP/SS, RW/HG, NL/LL

**Author Notes:** This is my first time writing slash, please be gentle (LOL). This story takes place after Voldemort has been killed. For the purpose of my story Professor Snape is still alive. OOC for Ron, Hermione and some of the Gryffindor but this story happens after the war and people do change.

The story begins towards the end of summer just before they get on the train to Hogwarts for their final year. Harry never returned to the Dursley's after he defeated Voldemort.

**Additional Note:** Warning this chapter goes deeper into the darker side of Harry and what he is trying to deal with.

I had a lot of trouble with this chapter in deciding how deep I should go and I did go deep as far as Harry is concern with his stability and he does lose it a lot in this chapter.

I like to thank you for all your reviews and I am trying my best with my spelling and grammar but I would also like people to be aware that spelling of words vary from country to country and my spelling is that of my country which I know makes it difficult if you are from another country but if anyone would like to help me feel free to message me.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Harry spent the rest of the day down in his new quarter's setting everything up before he had to go to his detention with Snape.

His quarter's consisted of four rooms plus a small kitchenette.

The first room was the living area, it was not overly big but not small either, it was just the right size for Harry.

In it, it had a three seater midnight blue coloured sofa with coffee table in front that was placed near the fire hearth. On one wall was lined with book shelves that Harry had placed all his school books plus the potions texts he was collecting as well as his subscription to a couple of potion journals.

He also had a few other spell books plus novels from both the wizarding world and muggle, despite what people think Harry actually enjoyed reading and gaining knowledge.

On the other side of the room there were two doors.

The door furthest away was the exit to his quarter's which was guard by Snake that was the familiar to Salazar Slytherin and therefore required someone who could speak parseltongue to gain entry but Harry also discovered that he could set a password so anyone could get anyone; he decided not to for the time been.

The other door was the entrance to a short hallway which contained two doors on the right and one on the left.

The first door on the right you come to his Harry's bedroom. In his room he had a huge four poster bed with a royal blue duvet with creamed coloured sheets and four pillows. Either side of the bed, bedside tables were and a matching wardrobe made of a dark mahogany and at the foot of his bed he had a chest which he used to store his more private belongings that were extremely personal to him.

The next door down was the bathroom which also had a door that connects thru to the bedroom also. The bathtub was bigger than the prefects' bathroom he used during the Tri-Wizard Tournament and had about twenty tapes to fill it.

On the left side of the hall was the other door with was situated directly across from his bedroom door was meant to be a space room but since Harry was not interested in having guests at all he made it into a lab.

He set up a work benched with his cauldron on it, his supplies which went into a small storage room that came with the room and was looking forward to been able to do some brewing without having to try and sneak to the room of requirements or finding a classroom that no one was using or able to disturb him.

Harry was so busy he forgot all about diner but with little to no appetite it didn't bother him and gave him more time to complete his quartes the way he wanted to.

He thought about researching spell to change the appearance of his walls but once he got his furniture where he wanted he stood back and looked at his room and decided he really like the stone wall look the dungeons had and it went well with his furniture and creamed coloured carpet.

Harry sat down taking a short break, he was exhausted after so much use of his magic he felt like he was ready to collapse but he had his detention with Snape to do.

"Shit, Shit, Shit" Harry said after casting a tempus charm to find out what time it was only to discover that he was nearly ten minutes late for his detention and ran out his door and quickly down to Snape's office.

"Enter" the firm reply from his Professor after Harry knocked

Harry walked in up to where his Professor was marking his essays.

"Your later Potter" Professor Snape said without looking up to Harry.

Harry chose not say anything for he knew if he said something he will more than likely get himself more detentions and loss of house points.

He didn't care about losing house points anymore but he did not want anymore detentions. Since the beginning of the school term Harry has had detention just about every night expects for one night last week where he got to go out and he really wanted to go out this week for he had a date with Josef.

"Nothing to stay Potter, how unusual but enjoyable not having to listen to your whinnying voice" Professor Snape said with as much malice as he could muster as he looked up at the boy.

Harry was getting furious at the Professor already but was holding back.

"Silence becomes you Potter not even your father or that mutt of a godfather of yours knew how to be quiet" Snape rebuked.

Harry tried glaring at his Professor but his Professor was just glaring back at him.

"One who think that the chosen one would rather be out wooing his fan club so I guess I am lucky to have his almighty presence with me"

"Shut up would just shut up" yelled Harry

"The boy who lives have something to say" Professor Snape said in a mocking voice "Well Potter your fan club a wait to hear what the famous Harry Potter has to say"

"Why do have to be like this? One would think you be glad that Voldemort is dead"

"Don't say his name you impudent boy"

"Why are you scared of Snape? Voldemort. Voldemort, Voldemort" Harry said knowing he was aggravating his Professor

Professor Snape was furious and pulled out his wand and pointed at Harry.

"I'm warning you Potter" Professor Snape said, his voice was very stern and deadly.

Harry knew he should stop but couldn't. "Or what Snape, you going to curse me, hex me or what huh? Then who would you gloat to with Voldemort gone and his little pathetic minions in Azkaban and Dumbledore not around to protect you all because you killed him you bastard, you nothing but a coward"

"I am no coward Potter" Snape yelled at Harry then fire a curse at him but with Harry's quick reflects he was able to move out of the way.

"That was pathetic for someone who was a death eater" Harry retorted as he pulled his wand out.

Professor Snape didn't say anything instead he fired off a stinging hex which Harry quickly counted with the jelly jinx curse.

The two wizards exchanged curse divulging deeper into the dark arts. Both were testing each other's knowledge, power and stamina.

Like Harry Severus had excellent stamina which comes from years of spying and been ready at a moment's notice.

Severus could feel Harry's magic radiate off him as well as his emotions, anger, hate, rage, sadness, loneliness all consumed Potter but there was also satisfaction at the battle.

Neither wizard was ready to give up but Harry was already fighting fatigue and decided he had to end this now for if he didn't Snape would get the better of him.

Severus noticed that Harry was getting tired and his movements were getting sluggish and thought to himself it was time to take Potter down but then the unexpected happen, his vials were starting to shake, papers had started to fly everywhere and the furniture was scrapping along the ground and his robes were fluttering hard and getting stronger as if a mini cyclone was sweeping through the dungeons.

Snape looked at Harry and was amazed to see that Harry was actually wandlessly creating this wind and it also amazed him the amount of control he had and it was at that moment he collapsed in intense pain.

Harry was watching Severus carefully waiting for a particular moment and when he saw he cast the cruciatus curse on him.

He was so angry at the man for all those years he at badgered him about his father, godfather and Remus and he let him know it.

He listened to the man scream in agony, watched him wither on the ground and when he was on the verge of passing out he lifted the curse and ran from the room back to his own quarters not having to have to worry about anyone getting in.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Minerva was sitting in her office contemplating how things have changed since the war.

It was hard to believe the just over three months ago Harry had successfully killed the most evil wizard of the century but had paid the ultimate price for his success.

With a sigh she leaned back in her chair, taking a sip of tea and let her thoughts wonder to the now broken teen.

"Oh Harry" she said quietly

"Any news on how he is going, Minerva?" Albus asked awaking from his slumber.

"I got a feeling Albus that Harry is a lot worse then what he lets us see" Minerva said sadly.

"Why do you say that my dear"

"His eyes; His eyes don't have the same spark in them that they had a last year or even six months ago. They are dull like he has no life.

He has also lost everything. His friends don't seem to want him around anymore and he has left Gryffindor tower and moved into private quarters in the dungeons of all places.

He has been through so much Albus and at his time of need his friends disserted him, he has no family to speak of and those muggle relatives of his threw him out the moment he got home, he lost Remus and Tonks and has had nobody to talk too.

He has made friends with Blaise Zabini and him and Draco Malfoy have out their hostilities aside but he so lost Albus and I don't know what to do" Minerva said just rattle off whatever came to her mind.

"And what about Severus" Albus asked

"He just as bad as Harry, he doesn't open to anyone. I have tried to talk to him and so has Poppy but he storms off Albus."

Minerva let out a sigh and looked up to her former college and with her voice shaking she "I just don't know what to do about Severus Albus or Harry for that matter"

"It's hard for them Minerva, you have to remember that Severus has been spying for me more than half his life walking a very fine line and Harry at the age of eleven came into this world as a very naive boy only to discover he was the most famous child in wizarding Britain and had a mad man try to kill him ever since.

But now the war is over both of them have a huge adjustment to make and it can't be easy for either of them.

For Severus it would be the first time in his life since Hogwarts that he didn't have to answer a call of a madman or report to me while holding a façade of hating Harry while protecting him at the same time. He now has time for him to do what he wants to do, he can live his life now and perhaps he could also find a special person that he could love and love him back.

As for Harry his life has been nothing but the war and now the war over he has to deal with it for now he has to figure what he wants"

"And in the mean time Albus?" Minerva asked when all of a sudden alarms started sounding.

"I suggest you better get to Severus' office"

Before Albus had finished his sentence Minerva had left her chair and headed to the floo, grabbed some floo power and headed to Severus' office in an absolute panic in fear that something bad has happen to him as the alarms that went off in her office were set to go off when an unforgivable curse was used.

When she stepped into Severus office she was gob smacked at what she saw, his office was a wreck, literately. Papers and quills were scattered, furniture over turned and broken and there were scorch marks on the walls, floors and ceiling.

Minerva heard a moan coming from behind her and she looked around until she spotted her Potion Master lying on the floor.

"Severus" Minerva rushed to his side "Are you alright?" she asked trying to help him sit up.

"I'm fine" Severus said with an obvious strain in his voice while also pushing Minerva off him.

"You're not fine Severus, you need help" Minerva stated

"For the last time woman I AM FINE" Severus bit back.

"Stop that at once Severus Snape, you are injured and I'm going to help you no matter what you say" Minerva said gently.

Severus glared at Minerva but knew it was fruitless because she knew he could get him to cave in to her and he didn't have the strength to fight her as the cruciatus curse that Potter cast on him was the strongest he had ever felt.

"If you insist then can you get me the blue potion vial from the storm room as well as a blood replenishing potion and a pepper-up as well" Severus asked slowly standing up using the wall as support to make his way over to his chair and slumped down.

Minerva came over with the three bottles of potions he requested and uncorked each of them and handed it to him one at a time.

"Better Severus?" Minerva asked once he downed the last one.

"Indeed" Severus said.

"What happen here Severus?" Minerva asked after a couple of minutes.

"Potter "he simply said.

"What about Potter, Severus?"

"Potter had detention, I had intended to confront him about what he was doing to himself instead he was late, we exchanged words I pulled my wand so did he then a fired a curse at him, he blocked it and we went into a full duel, I intended to finish instead he got me side tracked and I was place under the cruciatus curse by him"

"Severus how could you attack a student?" Minerva said shocked at his actions.

"I don't know Minerva, I never attended to attack him it just happened" Severus said placing his elbows on the desk and resting his head in his hands.

Minerva sat down next to him and placed her arm around his shoulders at first he shrugged them off but she just simply placed her arm back again.

He kept shrugging it off but after two more times he left it there slowly losing his composure from her comfort.

Minerva knew she should take further action against Severus but she couldn't.

He did attack a student but said student attacked back and she knew it was only a matter of time before he would break.

She didn't have the heart to get rid of him but maybe she could guide him like Albus said and this was maybe the best time to approach the subject of moving on at the end of the school year.

"Severus I think you need time off, away from Hogwarts and the students rediscover yourself"

Severus instantly looked at her as if she went mental, he had never considered leaving Hogwarts but then again he never thought he would survive the war either but now having the possibility of normal life could appeal to him, he could devote more time to his research.

"I can't leave through a school term Minerva" Severus said.

"That maybe so Severus but I think perhaps maybe you should consider it at the end of the school year"

"Perhaps I should" He simply stated

"Perhaps but for now I need to deal with Potter" She said standing up heading towards the door.

"Minerva" Severus said stopping her in her tracks.

"Yes Severus" She said stopping to look back at him.

"What are you planning on doing with Mr Potter?" He asked hoping her answer was not what he was thinking.

"The only thing I can do Severus, Harry used an unforgivable Severus regardless of who started the fight he still used it and I expel him from Hogwarts and report it to the aurora's" She said sadly hating the fact that she had to do it to a student she thought highly of.

"If I may Minerva that could possibly be the worst thing that could happen to Potter and the wizarding world" He said sternly.

Minerva was shocked for two reasons. One was that Severus wanted to know what she was going to do with Potter and two he stated it would be dangerous to let him go.

"What are you saying Severus?"

"I am saying that Potter is a loose cannon, a fully armed and very powerful wizard who is on the path to destruction and if he gets kicked out of Hogwarts I fear he will lose what little control he has and the wizarding world will suffer for it." Severus said giving her the crim news about Potter.

"Is it really that bad Severus?" She asked knowing that he would not exaggerate.

"I believe so from what I witness last night it would be worse than the Dark lord and Grindlewald combine"

"What should we do let him get away with it"

"No he needs to know he can't get away with that and has to be punished" Severus said

"What do you have in mind then Severus?" Minerva said knowing that the potion master had something plan.

"I think removing all his privileges will do more harm than good but restrict him on what he can and can't do make him earn the right to leave school grounds, get him counselling and he is serve detention with me all day every Sunday for the rest of the school year"

"Are you sure you want to take him on detention Severus after what he did to you?"

"If I wasn't I would have not suggested it"

Minerva thought for a while about what Severus proposed and like what he said. Perhaps restricting Harry and getting him help would help and having detention with Severus could possibly heal him as well, if only they will talk to each other and they will both realize they are more alike then what they would admit.

"I agree with that Severus but one more incident like this and I will have no other choice but to hand over to the aurora's." She said.

Severus got up still feeling a bit shaky still and said "Agreed Minerva"

"Get some rest Severus and meet me in my office after breakfast and I will have Potter summoned as well and we can inform him together"

"Agreed" he said.

Minerva walked back over to the floo and before throwing the floo powder in she turned to Severus and said "I hope your right about this Severus" and with that she disappeared into a sea of green flames.

"So do I Minerva" he said quietly after she left and went to his own quarter's to get some much need rest.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Harry was pacing up and down in his he couldn't believe he just used an unforgivable on a teacher and it had to be Professor Snape of all people.

"He deserved it" he said out loud to no one in particular.

He stopped and ran his hand his hair, he was frustrated to no end, angry and he really had to blow off some steam and headed out to the forest to find some acromantulas he could use to practice spells on.

He ran out of his rooms, down the hall and out of the dungeons, through the main gate and into the forbidden forest to find his intended target but instead of finding an acromantulas he came across a werewolf and remembering what Greyback did to his god father he released all his anger and frustration out on the wolf using any and all curses until he decided to kill the wolf then he incinerated.

But it wasn't enough he need more and went looking.

Along the way he came across the spider repeating the same again like he did for the werewolf but still did nothing for him that was until almost dawn when his luck seemed to change.

"Well, well, well what do we have here" the man drooled

Harry pointed his wand at him and cast a stinging hex at him but by the time he casted it the man was onto of Harry and that's when he realized no human can move that fast so he had to be a vampire.

The vampire grabbed Harry by the throat as he pushed him up against a tree.

"Not smart to be out here all alone" the vampire said taking a big sniff of Harry.

"Unlucky for you perhaps but not me" Harry said as he silently and wandlessly cast a blast charm on the vampire which threw across the field.

The vampire got up and started to charge Harry again but this time Harry was ready using his wand to cast a blasting hex while he wandless manoeuvred the roots of the trees to trip him and once that happened his cast the binding curse and had the roots wrap around his arms pinning then against the trees so he couldn't use his strength to escape and bound his legs together.

"Now who's not the smart one been by himself" Harry said stalking towards the vampire while casting a cutting hex along his legs.

The vampire tried to hold in a squeal but failed for Harry knew how much power he had to apply to the curse to cause the vampire some agony.

"You see vampire, I also know how to inflict pain to those who do not want it like you I can also kill those who time is not up yet, unlike you vampire who will never feed off another thing like the vermin you are" Harry said dangerously pacing around the vampire and when he got around the front of the vampire and it tried to lunge at Harry but Harry's strength in his binds held him in place.

"You think you're so clever wizard to outsmart me" the vampire said trying to free himself but slowly realize with horror that the more strength he used to escape the more resistant it added.

Harry watched as the vampire realized that he had no hope of escape and started to use curse after curse making him squirm in pain.

After a couple of minutes he released the curse letting the vampire gather his breath.

"You...will...never...arrrggghhhh" he started to say but Harry was not interested and place in under the cruciatus curse.

Harry felt the satisfaction of a job well done as he watch the now battered vampire wither in pain trying to bend at odd angels but the bind he had was in was countering the natural movements of the body thus making it more painful.

Despite what the muggle population think vampire do feel pain, they can hurt just like other can especially when magic is involve.

Harry ended the curse and the vampire slumped against his bind with his head hanging down he slowly started to rise it when his eyes met the end of Harry wand and before he could say anything a green light come out of his wand.

Harry lowered his wand after he cast the spell feeling nothing of what he did and started to walk away lost in his thoughts before he stopped and looked back at the now dead vampire and cast the incendio charm and watched as the vampire went up in flames and he walked away as if nothing had happened.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Severus awoke the next morning still feeling the after effects of the cruciatus the Harry had placed him under and he slowly made his way over to his own private stores and got another vial of pepper up as well as the potion he invented to counteract the effects of the cruciatus curse for this was the first time in as long as he could recall that he had to take two doses of the potion.

He waited for a few minutes while the potions did their work before he made his way to have a shower and get ready for the day and someone along the day he had to confront Potter knowing how close the boy was going over the edge.

He knew what he did last night to the boy was wrong but it wasn't anything different to how he treated him before the war and after many years of tainting Potter it was hard to stop.

After he completed his shower he made his way to the great hall for his morning coffee and quickly looked around the hall when his eyes stopped on Harry Potter the bane of his existence or so Severus thought but something was off with Potter, he wasn't sure what though but something has change whether or not it was for the better remains to be seen.

Harry was sitting at the Slytherin table with Blaise and his girlfriend. Potter had a mug of coffee in one hand and a slice of toast in the other which he barely ate.

But that's not what bothering Severus it's the fact that as it was Harry barely ate much anymore, he was losing weight; a mere shadow of what he once was. His posture suggested fatigue, exhaustion and it looked like he didn't care or have nothing to live for anymore.

Then Harry looked up to where Snape was sitting and their eyes locked into one another as if they were reading each other mind.

Severus saw a wide range of emotions go through Harry's eyes that were once bright but now barely contained any life what so ever.

He saw the anger, hatred, hurt, confusion, loneliness, the suffering, the longing, sorrow, pain, destruction and the wanting and Severus had a bad feeling that the boy had fallen over the edge completely and he can't help but feel partially responsible for it.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Harry sat at the end of the Slytherin table with Blaise and Millie with a cup of coffee in one hand and a slice of toast in the other.

He was thinking about what he did last night and he was at a loss. It was as if he was someone else doing those things, killing the werewolf, spiders and the vampire.

He knew he just earned a one way ticket to Azkaban prison if they ever found out what he did; he would go from hero to zero in a matter's of minutes.

He hated been the hero of the wizarding world but he didn't want to become it's enemy either and he wasn't sure what to do to stop himself other then turn his wand onto himself which Harry must say was coming very tempting to do.

He looked around the room and saw that everyone was happier now that Voldemort was gone and perhaps they would be even happier if he was gone, it was as if no one would miss him. He had no family other then the Dursley who blatantly told him to never show his freakish face around them ever again or they will kill him.

He lost his godfather three years ago, the person who was almost like a grandfather to him Albus Dumbledore two years ago, last year he lost Remus and Tonks as well which left Teddy without a mom and dad and him all alone in the world with no one to care for him.

Sure there was the Weasley's but after summer holidays and falling out with Ron, Ginny and even Hermione he was sure, they wouldn't care for him either.

But that was not the only thing that bothered Harry apart from the fact he was scared that he could become the next dark lord but he watched other's found happiness which he will never. Ron with Hermione, Neville with Luna, Blaise with Millie, Draco with Pansy, Cho with Terry, even Ginny seemed to be getting cosy with Dean lately and as for him, he will not have anyone who will be able to see past the boy who lived who defeated he who must not be named twice for that's all they will see and not Harry the boy who is falling apart.

Then he locked eyes with his most hated Professor and felt the anger, hurt and confusion that he felt last night come back to him.

He hated the way the Professor always treated him since he came to Hogwarts but was glad at the same time for he still treats Harry the same way.

He was angry at himself for losing control at the Professor but was also confused by the Professor reaction and he was scared.

But as he looked into the Professor eyes he saw emotions, emotions that the Professor hid so well from others but they were there. Pain, suffering, anger, confusion as well as shame, respect, loneliness and he could swore that there was some caring there as well, perhaps his Professor was no different to what he was Harry thought to himself as he looked away mentally preparing himself for the day.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

The day went slowly for Harry, he was literally on edge all day waiting for his Potion Professor to come storming around the corner and drags him off to Azkaban prison for what he did to him last night but it never happened.

He had his date with Josef tonight and truth be told he wasn't looking forward to but he said he would go.

After classes were finished he went to his quarter's and brewed a calming draught to pass time and to relax the nerves before he had a shower and headed out to meet his date.

Along the way to Wicked Enchantments Harry had the funny feeling he was been followed but every time he looked around he could see no one, not a soul and Harry thought it was his imagination running wild or his was paranoid after what he did but he couldn't shake the feeling he was been followed.

Harry entered the bar and over by the bar waiting for him was his date Josef.

Josef was wearing dark blue pants with a lose fitting white shirt with the buttons only half done up and a grey vest and Harry couldn't help but lick his lips at how could the man looked.

Josef was of medium build with black hair and dark brown eyes, his complication was of a slight olive colour and he stood about 6'4".

"Hi Josef" Harry said rather quietly standing behind him.

"Harry" Josef said looking around at his date. Harry was wearing black pants with an emerald green shirt that really brought out his eyes. "Have a seat. Drink?"

"A fire whisky please" Harry said as he sat down.

Harry started out the date very nervously; he had no idea what to talk about or how to act.

Josef could sense Harry's discomfort and decided to choose a safe topic like quidditch to get the boy to relax and plus a couple more drinks.

They both started off slowly but as the night progresses and a couple more drinks Harry was starting to feel at ease with his date and even agreed to a few dances with his date but, as the evening progressed Harry still couldn't shake the feeling he was been watched but he was having too good of a time to care.

He kept a look out at the entrance after he came in to see if he recognised anyone but he didn't. While they were dancing Harry kept looking out for someone but never found anyone so in the end he gave up and enjoyed himself.

Things between Harry and Josef were starting to heat as they moved closer and closer together throughout their dancing. Harry could feel his arousal growing and as they were rubbing thighs he could Josef arousal growing then Josef put his arms around him and pulled him closer to him while starting to plant butterfly kisses along his exposed shoulder, neck, and jaw line until he reached his lips.

Harry arousal had sky rocket as he returned Josef kiss and he could feel Josef hands wondering over him and Harry let his hands wonder over Josef.

They both made their way out of the club kissing and feeling each other while they headed around the corner into a dark alley where Josef put his hands under Harry shirt as he pushed him up against a wall.

Harry could feel Josef hard member against his leg like Josef could feel Harry's hardness against his leg they continued to kiss and feel each other.

Harry was not sure what he was doing as this was his first date with a man and decided to follow his instincts, which was touch him as much as possible until he felt Josef undo his belt buckle and trousers.

Harry tried to break the kiss and push Josef away but Josef pushed himself harder against Harry and reached into Harry pants.

Harry at this point was feeling extremely uncomfortable with what was about to happen. The night started out great and kisses were fantastic but this he was not ready for, not yet, not here in a dark alley thus Harry used his wandless magic and pushed Josef off him across the small alley with him landing on his back side.

"What the hell was that for" Josef said as he picked himself up off the ground after Harry pushed him back where he fell.

"What the hell did you think you're doing?" Harry said angrily back at him as he did up his trousers.

"What the hell do I think I'm doing?" Josef mocked him "I'm trying to get some action that's what I'm doing"

"I thought this was just a date" Harry said

"Yeah right a date, a date with the boy who lived who wants some action" Josef said starting to approach Harry.

Harry with his lightening fast reflexes as his wand trained on Josef.

"Is that the reason you went out with me because of who I am and a quick shag?" Harry said feeling extremely hurt and angry.

"Yes and beside you're hot and I get to shag the boy who lived" Josef said now very close to Harry.

Harry was furious he used the imperio curse to move Josef away from him.

"What the hell" Josef said after he realized that Harry just used an unforgivable on him and quickly pulled his wand and tried to curse which Harry deflect effortlessly and fired on back at him.

Josef was stunned to say the least and knew he was out of his depth for some of the spells Harry was using for he had no idea what some of them are but he knew most was dark magic.

Harry was so upset and angry at the fact that Josef only went out with him because he was the boy who lived and that's what everyone will see, not him at all and this above all made Harry furious and he was losing control, again.

"Avada..."

_TBC..._

**A/N:** I thought I will try a cliff hanger and see how it goes with everyone.

Yes I know what Harry did was completely out of character but since he is going through a bad time I had to show how bad he has gone off the rails so to speak. I like to tell you more but I don't won't to ruin the story I have planned out but this chapter was necessary. Please Review.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter that privilege belongs to J.K Rowling's

**Warning:** This story contains slash m/m, also mentions abuse.

**Pairing:** HP/GW, HP/SS, RW/HG, NL/LL

**Author Notes:** This is my first time writing slash, please be gentle (LOL). This story takes place after Voldemort has been killed. For the purpose of my story Professor Snape is still alive. OOC for Ron, Hermione and some of the Gryffindor but this story happens after the war and people do change.

The story begins towards the end of summer just before they get on the train to Hogwarts for their final year. Harry never returned to the Dursley's after he defeated Voldemort.

**Additional Note:** Warning this chapter goes deeper into the darker side of Harry and what he is trying to deal with.

I like to thank you for all your reviews and I am trying my best with my spelling and grammar but I would also like people to be aware that spelling of words vary from country to country and my spelling is that of my country which I know makes it difficult if you are from another country but if anyone would like to help me feel free to message me.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

The next day when Severus got up he had to take another vial of potion for he still felt the effects of the cruciatus curse that Potter had put on him last night.

He slowly made his way out of bed and into the shower. By the time he had finished his shower Severus felt better especially since the potion had taken full effect.

He went up the great hall fall breakfast and immediately searched out for Potter.

When he did spot the boy who was once again sitting at the Slytherin table with his new friends he could see that something was off with Potter straight away.

Potter was more uptight then normal if that was possible for Potter lately. His posture once again suggested a lack of sleep and he is slow movements also meant he could have placed his magical core under more strain then it was already.

Severus feelings towards the boy, no not a boy anymore but a man, a young man who had seen more than what any man should have at that age or even his age has change from hatred into respect even if he had trouble showing it to the man.

For years Severus had to play the role of hating Harry Potter and he did it successfully but lately as he watched Potter on the path of destruction he could help but partly blame himself for the demise of him.

He remembered both Minerva and Albus expressing concerns about the boy, no man's wealth fare but at the same time Severus had his own problems to be concerned with and much like Potter; Severus also knew he was on the path to self destruction.

Severus when alone was haunted by the images of people who knew and loved been killed, even though he was a spy he did his best to help those that needed it by either administering a potion, healing injuries or even escape the madman. Other times all he could do was stand by and watch therefore he would drink himself into oblivion so he wouldn't dream while he was asleep.

He locked eyes with Potter and he instantly saw the man stiffen, his eyes showed how tired he was, his anger, suffering amongst other emotions he could see in his eyes and he knew he had to catch Potter sometime throughout the day and tell him that his privileges temporally been taken away from him.

After he finished breakfast he head back to the dungeons for to prepare for his lessons.

The day was pain stacking slow and by the time afternoon bell went indicating that classes are over for the day Severus quickly dismissed his class and went on his search for Potter. He knew the man had his name to go out that night but no one had evoked his name yet for that task was left to Severus.

After about an hour searching for Potter he couldn't find him anywhere.

He bumped into Minerva and she informed him of the location of Harry's private quarters were and he was stunned to say that Harry was now living in the dungeons and not very far away from him.

He made his way down to the dungeon to where the portrait of Salazar Slytherin snake hung. He tried every password that he knew that could override the one Harry could possibly use but the portrait didn't move not even for the staff override code.

He knocked on the door but no answer came.

"Blast that boy and his parseltongue ability" Severus sneered as he paced up and down in front of the portrait thinking of what he could do next.

With a sudden realization Potter was going out tonight and all students that were leaving school grounds had to go by the main gate and with that in mind Severus quickly turned and made his way to the front gate, casting a notice me not spell and a silencing charm he waited until Harry came out of the gate and he would follow the man.

Severus did not have to wait for long as he saw Potter come down the hill and once he passed where Severus was standing he started to follow him and every now and again Potter would stop and look back as though he knew Severus was there.

He followed Potter into Hogsmead thinking he would be going to the Three Broomsticks like everyone else but instead walked passed it.

Severus thought that perhaps Potter had made arrangement to meet a girl by the shrinking shack but he didn't turn that way instead he went in the opposite direction.

After a few minutes they arrived at Wicked Enchantments, the local gay bar and Harry entered the bar and Severus quickly followed making his way over to dark corner while Harry made his way to a young man by the bar.

He could see from where he was standing that Potter was nervous but trying not to show it.

As he started to drink Potter came more relaxed but every time someone came through the door Potter would look over to it as if he was expecting somebody he knows come through.

As the night wore on Potter became more relaxed and started dancing with his date and it wasn't long until the dancing turned into something more, kissing.

From what Severus could see as he watched both of the men kiss, he could see Potter was not so sure of himself but his partner was. Then his date started to let his hands roam over Potter's body, Potter followed suit and started touching his partner. For Severus he could feel his trouser's getting a bit tighter wishing that someone would touch him like that but it would never happen. The only way he got any sexual gratification was during death eater meetings or paying for sex.

He did once love a man until he was killed. There have been a few he cared about but they only used him and never cared, so he stopped caring also. But now that the war is over perhaps he could find that someone if he allowed himself the luxury of opening his heart up but he was simply too scared to get hurt again.

Severus was brought back from his thoughts when he saw Potter and date making their way outside like a couple of Horney teenagers and he was in two thoughts on whether or not to follow him. His mind was telling him to leave and wait for Potter back at the gates of Hogwarts but his instincts and something about Potter's date told him to follow, so against his better judgement he did.

He followed Potter and his date down a dark alley where things were heating up between the two and the last thing Severus wanted was to see Harry bloody Potter have sex and turn to leave.

"What the hell was that for?" Potter date said angrily and Severus turned back to see the man picking himself up off the ground.

"What the hell did you think you're doing?"He heard Harry say angrily back and from what Severus could make out it looks like Potter date wanted more than what Potter wanted offer as he can see the man fixing up his trousers.

"What the hell do I think I'm doing?" Potter date mocked him "I'm trying to get some action that's what I'm doing"

"I thought this was just a date" Potter said sounding unsure of what was expected from him until his date spoke again.

"Yeah right a date, a date with the boy who lived who wants some action" Josef said starting to approach Harry.

Severus had the feeling that Potter was getting angry especially with that last statement his date made and with his lightening fast reflexes Potter had his wand trained on his date.

"Is that the reason you went out with me because of who I am and a quick shag?" Potter said sounding extremely hurt and angry at what his date claimed he was doing.

"Yes and beside you're hot and I get to shag the boy who lived" His date said now very close to Potter.

Although he could hardly see Potter and judging how Potter has been lately he was sure that he would be furious at been used like that and it was confirmed when he saw Potter date move away against his own will. Severus knew that Potter just used another unforgivable against the man for his years of training as a spy and his ability to feel dark magic and knowing Potter use of it lately he was sure of the imperio curse was just used.

"What the hell" Potter date said after he realized that Potter just used an unforgivable on him and quickly pulled his wand out and tried to curse which Potter deflect effortlessly and fired one back at him.

His date was stunned to say the least and Severus could sense that Potter's date knew he was out of his depth for some of the spells that Potter was using was in fact dark magic and he was sure that the other man had no idea what some of them are or how to defend himself against such dark magic.

Severus could sense that Potter was beyond any rational control thinking of the pattern of magic he was using was similar to the other night when he observed Potter torching the spider and when a huge stroke of fear running through his body Severus knew what Potter was going to do and he had to stop him before it was too late and pulled his wand out.

"Avada..."

"Expelliarmus" Severus said stepping out and firing the spell off hitting Potter in the nick of time before he could finish saying the killing curse.

"Petrificus Totalus" Severus said just as quickly before Potter had time to react.

He walked up to where Potter was now laying and he was satisfied that the man was not going anywhere he took hold of his wand and pocketed it than turning to face the man that he was attacking.

"I guess I should say thank you for saving my life" Josef said to Severus

"Who are you?" Severus asked impatiently.

"Josef Turner"

"Well Josef Turner I say that you have to be the luckiest and the dumbest man alive and thanks to me you will still live another day" Severus said with a lot of malice in his voice.

"Who the hell do you think you are? The man tried to kill me" Josef said his voice betraying the annoyance of the accusation made against him.

"After you tried to rape him" Severus bit back.

"I wasn't going to rape him. Come on the guy hot, famous, and who wouldn't want to claim that they were with him" Josef said as if had another motive as well.

"The thing is Josef Turner you went and opened your imbecilic mouth, insulted probably the most powerful wizard that the world has ever seen. A wizard who I might add is not himself at the moment and is still recovering from the war" Severus said trying to make sense of the other wizard.

"And that my dear friend is why when the famous Harry Potter followed me to the bar I couldn't help but make my move on him"

"You're not doing yourself any favours"

"So what, there is nothing you can do about it especially when I tell the paper about the boy who lived who defeated he who must not be named is gay and then tell the aurora's that Harry Potter is now using the unforgivable curses freely"

"You will not be doing such a thing" Severus threatens Josef.

"Yeah, you and what wizards going to stop me" Josef said a touch to cocky.

Severus was furious at this stage. He knew if let Josef go and he would do what he said which could mean the end for Potter and Severus wasn't ready and neither was the wizarding world for another war, with Harry Potter as the enemy.

"I will be stopping you" Severus said and raised his wand to Josef "For you will not remember this night. _Obliviate_"

After casting the spell and quickly making a port key and giving it Josef, sending him on his way Severus turned back to Potter who was still in a body bind wondering why he was still protecting the boy who lived.

"It seems Potter that you cannot stay out of trouble" Severus smirked as he was standing over Potter.

Harry couldn't do anything, he was helpless and now his most hated teacher was standing over him with his wand drawn on him and he couldn't do a thing to stop him.

The sad thing for Harry is that he didn't actually hate his professor nor did he like the man but he respected the man. In some ways he wanted to follow the man footsteps in becoming a potion master and he really wanted to learn more from him but he also knew it was hopeless to ask him for it was common knowledge that his Professor hated him.

"You know Potter I could get use to this, seeing you laying their helpless against anything I can do to you" Severus said venomously but opted not to but instead take him back to Hogwarts

"It's time to take you back Mr Potter. _Mobilicorpus_"

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Severus levitated Potter all the way back to the castle and down to the dungeons and into his office before releasing him from the body bind

"_Finite Incantatem" _Severus said releasing Potter from the spell without lowering him to the ground first.

"Bloody hell Snape" Harry said after dropping to the ground with a thump "You could have put me on the ground first." He kept going as he got up rubbing his elbow from where he landed on it.

"Language Potter" Severus sneered.

"Whatever Snape"

"That's Professor Snape to you insolent brat"

"I'm not an insolent brat"

"That is a matter of opinion Potter"

"What do you care anyway sir, you hate me"

"I don't care Potter" Severus said with extreme malice in his voice.

"Well I will add you to the list of names that don't care about me" Harry said feeling very hurtful.

"You do that Mr Potter and while you're at it I have been given the task of telling you that your all your privileges have been revoked until further notice and that you have detention with me all day every Sunday until further notice"

"That's just bloody brilliant" Harry spat out in anger "What else are you planning to do to take control of my life. Hang on, no wait; McGonagall had something to do with this as well, just because I wouldn't talk to her"

"It's Professor McGonagall, Potter and it was our decision"

"What gives you or her for that matter the right to take away my privileges when I have done nothing to bring myself in dispute of the rules" Harry said his anger starting to get the better of him.

"Need I remind you Potter of what you did to me in detention last night or for that matter what you did tonight"

"You don't care what I do you said so yourself that you didn't"

"That's right Potter I don't but it doesn't change a thing"

"You're just like everyone else aren't you, AREN'T YOU? While ever the war was on I was thrown into fight regardless of whether I wanted to fight or not. When Voldemort first try to kill me I became a hero, nothing I knew about until I first stepped foot into the wizarding world.

You hated me because of what my father did to you when you were at school but I never did a thing to you, I AM NO HIM.

Dumbledore only cared for me because of some stupid prophecy and trained me as weapon, a weapon to kill Voldemort and I did, become a hero again and now that the war is over and all those people who pretended to care about don't give a dam any more.

I have been thrown out like yesterday trash.

DONE MY DUTY, now I'm left to rot with nobody to care whether or not I live or die for everyone I loved is now dead, I got no reason live anymore.

I have no family, the people who I thought were my friends have turn their back on me because I am having a difficult time of things and you, you haven't change one bit have you, not that I ever expected you too"

Severus looked at Potter and saw nothing but raw emotion from the man.

Harry didn't stay nor did he say anything else, he just got up and left, he didn't care if Snape had anything more to say to him, he just didn't want to know about it.

Tonight events proved one thing, nobody cared. Josef only wanted to have sex with him because he was the boy who lived and not because he was Harry and it made Harry wonder what the point was for no one would see past his fame, no one would be there to comfort him and no one to love him.

With a heavy sigh Harry went into his room, to his private lab and looking around he knew without the help of Snape he wasn't going to achieve his dream of becoming a Potion Master and he reached for his cutting knife with only one thing in mind, his death.

He was sick of everything that was happening in his life, he was tired and exhausted and loss the will to live and with that last thought in his mind as well as Josef trying to rape him and Snape telling him he didn't care was enough straw to break this camel's back, so to speak.

He made his way back out to his living area and sat on his sofa. He looked up at the pictures he had on the mantel of everyone he knew that is now dead; His parents, Sirius, Remus, Tonks, Fred and Dumbledore. He friends didn't want anything to do with him apart from Neville and Blaise but they aren't close like Ron and Hermione was.

It seemed now that he had done his job everyone expect him to be fine, he was not and nobody cared enough to see what he really wanted and if they did they didn't they didn't ask.

With tears rolling down his eyes and deciding not to leave a note Harry started cutting his wrists watching the blood ooze out of him, he wanted to die and Snape still had his wand so using it was out of the question and with on last cut he did the main artery. Now filling light headed and the blood oozing out he laid back on the couch waiting for death to collect him.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Severus was not surprise at what Potter had just said, so much so he didn't know what to say back to him nor did he try and stop the boy from leaving.

Just like himself Potter was having trouble and by what he said he was having deep trouble just like him.

Severus made his way back into his own quarter's to his liquor cabinet and poured himself a generous dose of fire whisky and downed it and poured another and made his way over to the seat class in one hand, bottle in the other planning on getting himself really drunk so he didn't have to remember at all.

After his third class Severus was starting to feel a bit tipsy and started filling is fourth class when all of a sudden someone started calling his name.

"Severus" Someone yelled rather urgently, but he did not reply instead he just drunk his fire whisky.

"Severus come on where are you" they yelled again but with more urgency then before.

Severus feeling annoyed stumbled up across to where his portrait of Salazar Slytherin was.

"What could you possibly want at this hour of the night that has you in such frenzy?" Severus said partially slurring his speech.

"I was just talking to Gertie. Severus you got to get over to Harry Potter room" Salazar said urgently.

"And why would I bother with the likes of Harry bloody Potter?" Severus said bored and started to walk away.

"Because he is trying to kill himself and if you don't get there soon it would be too late"

"Blast that bloody boy" Severus yelled summoning a sober up potion as well as other's he was going to need to give the boy.

"Severus"

"I'm going" Severus said walking out of his quarters.

"Gertie is going to have the door open for you" Salazar shouted out as Severus ran down the hall to Potters room.

Severus rushed down the hall not believing that the boy would take his own life and as he approached the portrait of Salazar's snake it opened up for him.

Severus walked through the door and instantly spotted Potter slumped against his sofa.

"Potter" Severus called out and made his way around to the sofa and gasped at what he saw.

Harry Potter was a white as a ghost, his left wrist was slashed and bleeding profusely while the knife he used was in his right hand and Severus instantly got to work.

He quickly bandage the boys wrist, checked his pulse which was still faint and spelled some blood replenishing potion into his stomach, cleaned up the mess and laid the boy down.

Once he finished he sat on the table watching the boy sleep. Without his glamour on Severus could see the extent of Harry's exhaustion and he knew what he had to do.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

Severus had now moved Potter into his quarters where he now laid on his sofa while he sat on the opposite him watching the young man sleep.

He had contacted Minerva and informed her of Potter attempted suicide and Poppy had also come down as well to check over the boy, well actually young man now that Severus had taken the time to look.

It was true that ever since Harry Potter came to Hogwarts he had gone out of his way to make his life hell for him and all for the purpose of hid spying.

He spent years in Potter shadows protecting the boy wherever possible and once the war was over he had his freedom but it was more like a burden for him; he did not know what to do with his life now that the war was over.

After Poppy left Severus spelled some dreamless sleep into the young man's stomach in the hopes he could get some rest and so did he.

After a few hours sleep himself Severus came back out to his living room, called a house elf and had breakfast ready for the both of them.

He placed the food under a warming charm and waited for Potter to wake up.

As he waited he really took a good look at the young man that was lying on his lounge. After years of despising him because he was the spitting image of his father James Potter he also knew he inherited a lot of his personality traits from his mother including her fiery temper.

He saw for the first time a young attractive man that once held the hopes of the entire wizarding world on his shoulders who now has become a frail, broken young man who thinks his life is worth so little if anything he had to try and take it.

"Ohhhh" Harry moaned and brought Severus out of his thoughts.

"Mr Potter" Severus said gently.

"I must be in hell if your here" Harry said as he opened his eyes.

"Sorry to disappoint you this is not hell but Hogwarts" Severus replied trying to keep his temper in check after the boy snide remarks.

"Why didn't you just leave me to die" Harry asked sounding defeated.

"No matter how bad things are Potter it's not really worth taking your own life over" Severus said in a sincere voice.

"How would you know Snape, it's not like you care what happens to me" Harry said in anger.

"I know Potter and in a way I do care" Severus said calmly.

"That's not what you said last night" Harry reminded his Professor.

"I know what I said last night Potter and it was something I should have never have said"

"Then why did you?"

Severus looked at Potter wondering why he did say he didn't care and the reason was simple but stupid.

"Because I knew it would hurt you but I had no idea it would make you want to take your life" Severus said honestly.

"But why do you want to hurt me" Harry asked

"Out of habit"

"Habit? I don't understand Professor"

"When you first came to Hogwarts I knew straight away who you were, James Potter spawn, the son of my child hood enemy and it didn't help much that you looked so much like him. I expected to see an arrogant and spoilt child much like he was so I did what I could only do is take my anger of James out on you and that way I wouldn't blow my cover as a spy also.

I knew I was been cruel to you Potter but so many were taken in by your celebrity status I used my behaviour as an excuse to try and keep you grounded and in the process failing to see who you are and that was the son of my best friend Lily.

As time went on and the way things kept happening to you, my job of protecting you came harder and harder and I was doing everything I could do to get Albus to train you and keep you inform of what was happening but Albus said we had to give you as much of a childhood as possible."

"Is that why you were always hard on me?"

"In some ways, yes but I also knew that the Dark Lord was gaining power and then when in your fourth year I felt it through my mark and I had to be harder on you more so than ever for like everyone else I wanted you to give me my freedom"

"I know this will sound weird Professor but you were the only consistent person I had in my life. You never worshipped me like everyone else and I appreciated it"

They both sat in silent for a while before Severus made the move to set breakfast up.

As always Harry had a cup of coffee and a slice of toast while Severus ate a full breakfast of sausage, bacon, scramble eggs, fried tomato and a slice of toast with a cup of coffee also.

"You need to eat more Potter" Severus said noting the lack of food the man ate.

"I can't anymore and I will be sick"

"Potter that is barely enough to sustain a small child let alone a growing teenage boy"

Harry looked up at his Professor and actually saw a bit of concern in his eyes and he wondered why.

"What brought the change on Professor?" Harry asked for he knew that this was not normal behaviour for the Potion Master.

Severus placed his folk down on his empty plate and wiped his mouth with the napkin while he swallowed the last of his food.

"The fact that you are falling apart and almost succeeded in killing yourself"

"What happens now?" Harry said looking down at his bandage arm and fiddling with a piece of cotton.

"Potter I am not going to lie to you" Severus started in a firm voice laced with a bit of concern "Your behaviour and actions over the last few days especially you using an unforgivable and nearly killing a man is usually a one way ticket to Azkaban"

Harry dropped his head e knew he was in a lot of trouble and his professor was well in his rights to call the aurora's as well as Josef.

Severus noted the reaction straight away and knew there was hope for Potter but it wasn't going to be easy.

"However" Severus continued "The headmistress and I have decided not to call the auroras at this stage for I believe it would do you no good, in fact in your current state of mind Potter it will do more harm than good.

However as I told you last night you have had all your privileges temporally removed until further notice and you be serving detention with me.

On top of that Potter you need help so you will be attending counselling session twice a week with either Madam Pomfrey, Professor Flickwick or myself.

Professor McGonagall has also been informed of your suicide attempt and has recommended you take time away from your studies and get yourself together and Madam Pomfrey will also like you to reframe from using magic and give yourself time to heel and therefore until further notice you are not attending any classes"

"Brilliant just brilliant everyone is still deciding what is best for me but no thank you and how the hell can I use magic anyway when I don't have my wand? And how the hell am I going to chose a career and pass my N.E.W.T.S if I don't go to my classes?" Harry said really annoyed and stood up and started pacing.

"Potter settle down"

"NO I WON'T, I WANT TO DO WHAT I FEEL LIKE"

"And you Potter once you recover from your ordeal"

"SO IN THE MEANTIME EVERYONE HAS A SAY IN WHAT I CAN AND CAN'T DO"

"You can do whatever you want to Potter however if you chose not to seek help Potter Professor McGonagall will have no other choice to call the aurora's and send you to Azkaban"

"Great just great I either do what you want me to do or go to prison, not much of a choice is it?"

"No but at least it is a choice Potter for I tell you know if you continue the way you are going you will be no better than the Dark Lord"

That statement was enough to stop Harry in his tracks. He hated Voldemort for everything he did to him and the wizarding world and now he was been told he was on the same path and he didn't like that idea.

During the summer holidays all he wanted was someone to talk to, to understand what he went through so he can have some sort of semblance to a normal life.

Harry collapsed back into the lounge and for the first time in a long time he wanted to cry, he wanted to feel normal and if that meant swallowing his pride he will do whatever he can to get better.

"Will you do it?" Harry asked quietly thinking that since his Professor was there for the most of it he might understand what he was feeling.

"I will if that is what you want" Severus said and Harry gave a slight nod.

"Professor if you don't mind I will like to return to my quarters" Harry said quietly.

"That will be fine but I would call by later and work out a schedule with you about the sessions" Professor Snape said to Harry.

Harry gave a nod and headed out of the Professor quarter back to his own where he had a shower and spent the morning brewing a couple of potions while he mulled things over in his head.

He knew he was out of control but couldn't help himself.

He knew he was finding it hard to cope with everything.

He had wanted someone to talk to that understood what he went through and he had no one, so he thought.

Severus Snape Potion Master at Hogwarts, dungeon bat, greasy git and all round bastards was confusing the hell out of Harry for one minute he been mean but the next he was acting kind almost sincere in what he was saying.

It was only a couple of days ago that they got into a huge argument which resulted in them having a dual which Harry cast an unforgivable on the man.

Than last night the very same man stopped Harry from killing his date for attempting to rape him, then turned around and said he didn't care about him only to somehow end up in his quarters saving life.

Harry was not sure how he got into his quarters or how he happen to find out what he was doing and since you had to speak parseltongue to get in and as far as he knew Snape did not speak the language, he was unsure how the man entered his rooms but he will find out.

But the most confusing thing of the lot was when he woke up it the man's quarters and he was almost nice in a Snape kind of way, perhaps, Harry thought that he might not be so bad when he is not been snarky or sarcastic.

The rest of morning went by quickly for Harry and after lunch he settled down on his sofa with the latest Potion journal that was until a couple of hours later a knock interrupted him.

Harry knew it would be Snape for he did say that he would come so Harry got up and let the man in.

Harry called for a house elf and ordered some tea and biscuits and a moment later the elf brought back a tray, placed it on the table and left while both Harry and Snape sat down on the sofa at opposite ends.

"I see you learned how to be hospitable Potter" Severus smirked.

"Yeah well my Aunt always said when you have guest you should always offer tea and biscuits" Harry said.

"Is that so?" Severus asked

"Yes, it's about the only thing she ever taught that was true" Harry replied and poured them both a cup of tea choosing to remain quiet.

"Potter I think we need to discuss a few things" Professor Snape said putting his cup and turning towards the young man.

"I know" Harry said letting out a sigh.

"Potter I would like to see you at least twice a week plus your detention all day Sunday"

"Ok" Harry said fully resigned at the fact of spending time with his Professor and the truth he was just too tired to argue or fight with the man.

For the next hour they discussed what nights they could meet and they both agreed on a Tuesday and Thursday nights and the rest of the time they spent arguing over setting up a password so at least the staff could have access, if required but Harry wouldn't agree to it but he said he would allow him only and adjusted his wards so Professor Snape could get in.

After the Professor left Harry was feeling tired and decided he would go to bed early but knew sleep would be hard to come by and that he would also end up in the forbidden forest like he always did every night after his nightmares woke him.

_TBC..._


	7. Chapter 7

To all my readers,

First up I would like to apologize for not updating for a while, I do intend of finishing these stories but at the moment my life is a bit hectic and unable to write so I am going to place the stories on Hiatus for a couple more months.

Second I have lost my USB stick in which I had the next chapters to all my stories written and was about to send off to my beta readers but I lost it so I am trying to find it which I haven't had any luck doing so now I have to re-write them.

I also have a FaceBook page, Slytherinhawkins105 all you need to do is hit like and I'll post there to keep you updated.

Promise I'll start writing again soon, Reviews and PM messages I am getting is totally awesome and makes me feel good knowing you guys are still out there waiting patiently for me and I will not let you down and have those stories completed soon

Cheers :)

SlytherinHawkins105


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